Thanks to Cynical Dad I have discovered a new blog. Have you read It's Not all Mary Poppins?
What a great new read. She recently wrote a post about Benign Neglect which I really loved. Here's a little snippet.
I know most of the people who read this have small children. Small children need a lot more hands-on care. There is no denying this. But they don't need your attention over their every waking breath. They just don't. As a parent, you have the right to expect that your child entertain themselves some of the time. You have the right to a quiet cup of coffee. If you can't achieve that just yet, you can make it a reasonable goal. You have the right to read or talk on the phone (or blog!!) while they play. You have the right to say, "Mommy finds that game boring, hon." You have the right to do all this without guilt, and you can achieve it by introducing to the children a little Benign Neglect.
What a great concept. I can actually say no to my daughter's constant demand to play. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sitting down to a good tea party or a nice game of dress-up. However, after 20 minutes I'm pretty much done. I've got stuff to do. I have to finish the laundry or unload the dishwasher or vacuum. Or maybe, gasp, I could sit down and read some blogs ... during the day ... while she's awake. Scandalous!
I loved the post, but my question to Mary P. in the comments section was how in the heck do I get my daughter to play more independently? I try to at least get her started with an activity, but more often than not, as soon as I stray, she whines, "mommmmmyyy, play with me pllleeaaaseee!" And this goes on all day long. It puts me in a sour mood and then I feel selfish and guilty for not doing what she wants.
So babes in blogland, got any suggestions? How do I go about getting J to play by herself more?
7.09.2006
7.07.2006
I Got My First Piece of Hate Mail. Woo Hoo!
I've been waiting and waiting for it. I knew eventually I'd say something that would piss people off. Leave it to Kelly Ripa to put me in the dog house.
In this post, I called Mrs. Morning Sunshine a moron because she was quoted as saying the first year of marriage is the hardest and everything after that is fine. Perhaps moron was too harsh. Perhaps I should have prefaced everything I wrote with, "In my opinion," or "In my experience." But you know what, this is my blog and I'll say what I want.
Anonymous (because who would actually give their name when disagreeing with a total stranger) had this to say about my post.
Kelly Rippa is an morton because she implied that marriage is hardest in the first year and gets better afterwards? That's a moronic thing to say not to consider deeper into what she said.
I've been married 9 1/2 years and have a toddler. My marriage was hardest in the first year because 1) my husband and I didn't quite know how to handle each other's moods 2) it was the first time we lived together so there are a lot of adjustments 3) he just graduated from college and I was still in school 3) financial hardship since we now have each others debts 4) financial reconstruction: we had to reorganize, prioritize and put into action a lot of plans 5) we didn't have a house yet so we had to make do with a small apartment 6) we had to move across state so that was stressful 7) when we argued, my husband had to deal with how I deal with things and I had to deal with his 8) a lot of words hurt since we haven't quite forged a trust that each of us mean well 9) there was a lot of trial and error when it comes to resolving problems 10) just basic stress in putting 2 different people in 1 place, life, home.
My husband and I chose to seek marriage counseling during the first year but that was it. After that things were much better. Year after year, I have us asses the past and we always came to the same conclusion... every year is better than before. After being married 8 years, we finally decided to have a child and though things became different, I can still say that our marriage still keeps getting better and better year to year.
Divorce rate is 50% and it's highest during the first year, and it decreases year after year until finally the rate becomes it's lowest after 5 years of marriage.
For a marriage to get harder as years go by, well you're heading in the wrong direction. Instead of calling such a statement from Mrs. Rippa moronic, I suggest taking notes.
Once you get past the awful spelling and grammatical mistakes, I think Anonymous might have a point. I'd like to think of myself as a fair person so instead of writing her off, I'd like to take her opinion into consideration.
Marriage probably should get better year after year, you're right. I never said mine was getting worse though. I said we have good days and bad weeks, just like any other marriage.
Let's explore your marriage a little further shall we? You listed a buttload of issues your hubby and you struggled with in the first year. Am I to assume that EVERY SINGLE ONE of those issues has been resolved all neat and tidy in 365 days? Also, with children comes change. Just as you had to adjust to getting to know your new life partner, you had to adjust to a new baby who needed you 24/7. You can't tell me that doesn't put some strain on a marriage.
If your husband is the kind of guy who pitched in and pulled his weight, kudos to you. I didn't have that experience. I still love my husband but I don't always like him very much. To imply that making it past the first year of marriage guarantees some sort of trouble free pass is a crock of shit.
Every relationship has their ups and downs. You do your best to work through the rough patches and hopefully come out on top. My hubby and I have been on a bumpy road but it definitely doesn't get worse every year. If it did, I'd be out the door already. At the very least we learn more about each other as time goes by. I know marriage is hard work and I've never been one to just give up.
I don't need to take notes from Kelly Ripa. I am learning as I go. I'll fight the good fight for the sake of my daughter and the family we've created. I'll keep on soul searching until I find what's missing in me, what I need to feel fulfilled. I appreciate your comments but let's just agree to disagree. Mmmmkay!
In this post, I called Mrs. Morning Sunshine a moron because she was quoted as saying the first year of marriage is the hardest and everything after that is fine. Perhaps moron was too harsh. Perhaps I should have prefaced everything I wrote with, "In my opinion," or "In my experience." But you know what, this is my blog and I'll say what I want.
Anonymous (because who would actually give their name when disagreeing with a total stranger) had this to say about my post.
Kelly Rippa is an morton because she implied that marriage is hardest in the first year and gets better afterwards? That's a moronic thing to say not to consider deeper into what she said.
I've been married 9 1/2 years and have a toddler. My marriage was hardest in the first year because 1) my husband and I didn't quite know how to handle each other's moods 2) it was the first time we lived together so there are a lot of adjustments 3) he just graduated from college and I was still in school 3) financial hardship since we now have each others debts 4) financial reconstruction: we had to reorganize, prioritize and put into action a lot of plans 5) we didn't have a house yet so we had to make do with a small apartment 6) we had to move across state so that was stressful 7) when we argued, my husband had to deal with how I deal with things and I had to deal with his 8) a lot of words hurt since we haven't quite forged a trust that each of us mean well 9) there was a lot of trial and error when it comes to resolving problems 10) just basic stress in putting 2 different people in 1 place, life, home.
My husband and I chose to seek marriage counseling during the first year but that was it. After that things were much better. Year after year, I have us asses the past and we always came to the same conclusion... every year is better than before. After being married 8 years, we finally decided to have a child and though things became different, I can still say that our marriage still keeps getting better and better year to year.
Divorce rate is 50% and it's highest during the first year, and it decreases year after year until finally the rate becomes it's lowest after 5 years of marriage.
For a marriage to get harder as years go by, well you're heading in the wrong direction. Instead of calling such a statement from Mrs. Rippa moronic, I suggest taking notes.
Once you get past the awful spelling and grammatical mistakes, I think Anonymous might have a point. I'd like to think of myself as a fair person so instead of writing her off, I'd like to take her opinion into consideration.
Marriage probably should get better year after year, you're right. I never said mine was getting worse though. I said we have good days and bad weeks, just like any other marriage.
Let's explore your marriage a little further shall we? You listed a buttload of issues your hubby and you struggled with in the first year. Am I to assume that EVERY SINGLE ONE of those issues has been resolved all neat and tidy in 365 days? Also, with children comes change. Just as you had to adjust to getting to know your new life partner, you had to adjust to a new baby who needed you 24/7. You can't tell me that doesn't put some strain on a marriage.
If your husband is the kind of guy who pitched in and pulled his weight, kudos to you. I didn't have that experience. I still love my husband but I don't always like him very much. To imply that making it past the first year of marriage guarantees some sort of trouble free pass is a crock of shit.
Every relationship has their ups and downs. You do your best to work through the rough patches and hopefully come out on top. My hubby and I have been on a bumpy road but it definitely doesn't get worse every year. If it did, I'd be out the door already. At the very least we learn more about each other as time goes by. I know marriage is hard work and I've never been one to just give up.
I don't need to take notes from Kelly Ripa. I am learning as I go. I'll fight the good fight for the sake of my daughter and the family we've created. I'll keep on soul searching until I find what's missing in me, what I need to feel fulfilled. I appreciate your comments but let's just agree to disagree. Mmmmkay!
7.06.2006
It's All About Me(me)
Mommy Off the Record tagged me a few days ago and I'm finally getting my ass in gear. This one sounded like fun so here goes ...
5 Things in my Fridge:
1. Iced Tea. My mom thinks of this as a summer drink so she never used to buy it in the colder months. Weird, huh?
2. Soy milk. We originally thought J was allergic to milk but she's been eating ice cream and yogurt without any ill effects so I'm not sure she really needs this anymore. Shit is expensive.
3. Watermelon. Can't get enough of it.
4. Hershey's chocolate syrup. Just had some on my ice cream. Yum!
5. Pickles. I'm not sure how long they've been there and I keep forgetting to throw them away.
5 Things in My Closet:
1. Shoes. I'm a girl, what did you expect.
2. Lots of hats. My sister works at an accessories company in Manhattan and she is constantly giving me cute hats ... and gloves ... and scarves ... belts.
3. Tons of clothes that don't fit. I buy stuff without trying it on and it never fits the way I want it to.
4. Precious Moments. Or at least pieces of them. I gave them to J one day because she said she wanted to play with them. I figured, "Hey, how much damage could she really do? Besides a few of them were from old boyfriends." Well, let's just say my shelf is a graveyard for broken ceramic limbs.
5. Hubby's comic book collection. Yup, you read that right. Boxes and boxes of comics. Thank goodness we have an enormous closet.
5 Things in my Purse:
1. My wallet. Duh!
2. A cell phone.
3. A datebook that I never even look at.
4. A plastic spoon. In case we are ever out and J needs to eat. Hey, the girl's got issues.
5. Receipts.
5 Things in my Car:
1. Old juice boxes
2. J's stroller
3. A notebook
4. Spare change
5. Dora's Chutes and Ladders
There you have it. Thrilling, I know.
Hey, if you're looking for some rockin' baby gear, check out Lollipop. I found a great place to get fun, stylish kid clothes. Also, did you know that J.Crew has a children's line called Crew Cuts?
5 Things in my Fridge:
1. Iced Tea. My mom thinks of this as a summer drink so she never used to buy it in the colder months. Weird, huh?
2. Soy milk. We originally thought J was allergic to milk but she's been eating ice cream and yogurt without any ill effects so I'm not sure she really needs this anymore. Shit is expensive.
3. Watermelon. Can't get enough of it.
4. Hershey's chocolate syrup. Just had some on my ice cream. Yum!
5. Pickles. I'm not sure how long they've been there and I keep forgetting to throw them away.
5 Things in My Closet:
1. Shoes. I'm a girl, what did you expect.
2. Lots of hats. My sister works at an accessories company in Manhattan and she is constantly giving me cute hats ... and gloves ... and scarves ... belts.
3. Tons of clothes that don't fit. I buy stuff without trying it on and it never fits the way I want it to.
4. Precious Moments. Or at least pieces of them. I gave them to J one day because she said she wanted to play with them. I figured, "Hey, how much damage could she really do? Besides a few of them were from old boyfriends." Well, let's just say my shelf is a graveyard for broken ceramic limbs.
5. Hubby's comic book collection. Yup, you read that right. Boxes and boxes of comics. Thank goodness we have an enormous closet.
5 Things in my Purse:
1. My wallet. Duh!
2. A cell phone.
3. A datebook that I never even look at.
4. A plastic spoon. In case we are ever out and J needs to eat. Hey, the girl's got issues.
5. Receipts.
5 Things in my Car:
1. Old juice boxes
2. J's stroller
3. A notebook
4. Spare change
5. Dora's Chutes and Ladders
There you have it. Thrilling, I know.
Hey, if you're looking for some rockin' baby gear, check out Lollipop. I found a great place to get fun, stylish kid clothes. Also, did you know that J.Crew has a children's line called Crew Cuts?
Kelly Ripa is Clueless
I was just reading in US Weekly that Kelly Ripa and her delicious husband Mark Consuelos have been married for 10 years. When asked their secret to success she mumbled something like, "If you can get past the first year, everything is fine after that."This woman is a moron. She is lying to her fans. And she's got three kids. You're going to seriously tell me that the first year is the hardest even after throwing fame and children into the mix? Fuck that!
I wish I could rewind to the firt year hubby and I were married. No baby, no money problems, no resentment. I actually enjoyed being around him. I looked forward to seeing him and talking about the future.
In September we'll be married five years, but we've been together for more than 10. It's been a long and sometimes bumpy road and we're trying our hardest to stay the course. I know that both of us have thought about leaving. We've even talked about it but we're not willing to give up. There's more to consider than just the two of us.
I don't know how some women do it. Maybe it's because Mrs. Ripa and her lovely husband barely see each other that she can smile and say after 10 years of marriage that she doesn't want to kill him every now and then. Okay, more than now and then. Like every minute he opens his mouth.
A lot of the troubles in my marriage started after J was born. I feel awful saying that, but it's the truth. I was not prepared for what it was going to do to my mind, my body and my spirit. Hubby changed too. Or maybe he didn't and that's the problem.
So like any other married couple we have good days and bad weeks. At least that's what I've been reading all around the blogosphere. It's nice to know I'm not alone and that other moms out there struggle to make it day to day. Like Kristen, who so perfectly put into words the way I feel about my marriage ... still ... after all these years.
"It doesn't help that "other halves" (particularly of the male species) automatically assume that if you choose to stay home, your feelings and needs are no longer important. Because your existence is for the kid. So, if he wants to go out all day and all night, or leave the house to "grab some take out" and comes back 2 hours later after a stop off at the bar or play Beer Pong for 6 hours and then sleep in because *wah* he's tired, that's just how it is. It's my job. I'm one with house. Automatically available for childcare and meals. Like a fucking diner with day care.
I'm tired of being lonely and alone, and feeling like an idiot who is worthy of nothing but managing the daily existence of a 2-year-old. Don't get me wrong. It's an honorable job - more so than anything I ever had or will ever have. However, people don't get that. For the most part, my husband doesn't get that. And I'm bitter about this perception of motherhood."
And this post over at HBM's Basement that captures the resentment I feel towards hubby post-baby.
The hard part is finding a way to work through it all. Is all of this really my fault? Did I change so much that it's impossible to live with me or make me happy? Am I being selfish? I don't think so but maybe, just maybe, my husband isn't totally to blame. Maybe I should start owning up to my part in this marriage and get some control over my emotions. Take control of my life so that instead of this I can feel like this.
7.05.2006
Fourth of July Marathon
I'm back! It's been a few days since I've been on the computer. I've missed reading all of your blogs.
This weekend seemed like it would never end. My sister and I went to a barbecue on Sunday and she slept over my house that night. It was fun having her here. She has never spent the night and it felt like old times.
We went down the shore on Monday and had a great day at my parents swimming in the pool. J loves the water. She is like a fish. I always manage to forget something when packing up our bags and this time it was her swim diapers. We let her go in without them and she had to promise not to pee pee in the pool. She did good, at least I think she did.
While J napped at my mom's; my sister, her fiance, my parents, and I assembled her favors for the wedding. It is coming up in 3 weeks. July 22nd is the big day and I am so excited for her. Hubby wasn't there because he had to work. I swear sometimes I feel like a single mom. That's a whole 'nother story.
Yesterday we woke up early to catch a parade and then went to a carnival. It was so damn hot I wanted to kill someone. Fourth of July should be pretty special for me because it's the day Hubby and I got engaged almost 5 years ago but it always so hot that we end up fighting. I'm not even gonna go into the name calling.
After the carnival we went to his sister's house for some more swimming. J got to play with her cousins, which she always loves. We hung out there all day and then went to the fireworks.
This is the first year we took J. It never really made sense before. I knew she would be afraid plus I was never willing to keep her out past her bedtime. So we all went as a family and it was really nice. We sat on blankets and had ice cream and popcorn. When they started she was scared but eventually she warmed up and I think everyone in the park could hear her yelling, "Wow!" or "That was a big one." It was cool to experience fireworks through her eyes. I can't wait to make more memories like that.
With all that said, I feel like I missed so much in the blog world. How do you guys keep up? Did you get to read and write this weekend?
P.S. Stop over at Lollipop and check out my very first contest. It's an essay contest and you could win a really great book. The deadline is at the end of July. Oh and Mommy Off the Record, I will get to your meme by the end of this week. I promise!
This weekend seemed like it would never end. My sister and I went to a barbecue on Sunday and she slept over my house that night. It was fun having her here. She has never spent the night and it felt like old times.
We went down the shore on Monday and had a great day at my parents swimming in the pool. J loves the water. She is like a fish. I always manage to forget something when packing up our bags and this time it was her swim diapers. We let her go in without them and she had to promise not to pee pee in the pool. She did good, at least I think she did.
While J napped at my mom's; my sister, her fiance, my parents, and I assembled her favors for the wedding. It is coming up in 3 weeks. July 22nd is the big day and I am so excited for her. Hubby wasn't there because he had to work. I swear sometimes I feel like a single mom. That's a whole 'nother story.
Yesterday we woke up early to catch a parade and then went to a carnival. It was so damn hot I wanted to kill someone. Fourth of July should be pretty special for me because it's the day Hubby and I got engaged almost 5 years ago but it always so hot that we end up fighting. I'm not even gonna go into the name calling.
After the carnival we went to his sister's house for some more swimming. J got to play with her cousins, which she always loves. We hung out there all day and then went to the fireworks.
This is the first year we took J. It never really made sense before. I knew she would be afraid plus I was never willing to keep her out past her bedtime. So we all went as a family and it was really nice. We sat on blankets and had ice cream and popcorn. When they started she was scared but eventually she warmed up and I think everyone in the park could hear her yelling, "Wow!" or "That was a big one." It was cool to experience fireworks through her eyes. I can't wait to make more memories like that.
With all that said, I feel like I missed so much in the blog world. How do you guys keep up? Did you get to read and write this weekend?
P.S. Stop over at Lollipop and check out my very first contest. It's an essay contest and you could win a really great book. The deadline is at the end of July. Oh and Mommy Off the Record, I will get to your meme by the end of this week. I promise!
7.03.2006
J Raps
I think my daugher has found her calling. See if you can figure out what songs she's singing.
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Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing
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