I was just reading in US Weekly that Kelly Ripa and her delicious husband Mark Consuelos have been married for 10 years. When asked their secret to success she mumbled something like, "If you can get past the first year, everything is fine after that."
This woman is a moron. She is lying to her fans. And she's got three kids. You're going to seriously tell me that the first year is the hardest even after throwing fame and children into the mix? Fuck that!
I wish I could rewind to the firt year hubby and I were married. No baby, no money problems, no resentment. I actually enjoyed being around him. I looked forward to seeing him and talking about the future.
In September we'll be married five years, but we've been together for more than 10. It's been a long and sometimes bumpy road and we're trying our hardest to stay the course. I know that both of us have thought about leaving. We've even talked about it but we're not willing to give up. There's more to consider than just the two of us.
I don't know how some women do it. Maybe it's because Mrs. Ripa and her lovely husband barely see each other that she can smile and say after 10 years of marriage that she doesn't want to kill him every now and then. Okay, more than now and then. Like every minute he opens his mouth.
A lot of the troubles in my marriage started after J was born. I feel awful saying that, but it's the truth. I was not prepared for what it was going to do to my mind, my body and my spirit. Hubby changed too. Or maybe he didn't and that's the problem.
So like any other married couple we have good days and bad weeks. At least that's what I've been reading all around the blogosphere. It's nice to know I'm not alone and that other moms out there struggle to make it day to day. Like Kristen, who so perfectly put into words the way I feel about my marriage ... still ... after all these years.
"It doesn't help that "other halves" (particularly of the male species) automatically assume that if you choose to stay home, your feelings and needs are no longer important. Because your existence is for the kid. So, if he wants to go out all day and all night, or leave the house to "grab some take out" and comes back 2 hours later after a stop off at the bar or play Beer Pong for 6 hours and then sleep in because *wah* he's tired, that's just how it is. It's my job. I'm one with house. Automatically available for childcare and meals. Like a fucking diner with day care.
I'm tired of being lonely and alone, and feeling like an idiot who is worthy of nothing but managing the daily existence of a 2-year-old. Don't get me wrong. It's an honorable job - more so than anything I ever had or will ever have. However, people don't get that. For the most part, my husband doesn't get that. And I'm bitter about this perception of motherhood."
And this post over at HBM's Basement that captures the resentment I feel towards hubby post-baby.
The hard part is finding a way to work through it all. Is all of this really my fault? Did I change so much that it's impossible to live with me or make me happy? Am I being selfish? I don't think so but maybe, just maybe, my husband isn't totally to blame. Maybe I should start owning up to my part in this marriage and get some control over my emotions. Take control of my life so that instead of this I can feel like this.