A Girl After My Own Heart

I stopped at the food store this morning after dropping Little J off at preschool just to get a few necessities. When I walked in the house and put thebags down on the table, Little J started whining. I couldn't figure out what she wanted until she started pointing to the bags.

"You want something in there sweetie?" I asked her.

I put the bags on the floor so that she could show me what it was that was making her crazy. Digging through the plastic with her chubby little fingers she pulled out a box of Brownie Bites.






What can I say. the girl loves her chocolate!

Every Now and Then

There are days as a mom that I just want to give up. Days that seem like they are never going to end. Days when I feel like all I ever do is yell. Days when I am frustrated and exhausted before before lunch.

Then there are days that are damn near perfect. There are days when my girls make each other laugh. When they make me happier than I've ever been. Little J looks up to her big sister. She wants to be just like her, to do everything Big J does. Big J can be so loving and helpful when it comes to her baby sister.

There are so many days when all I do is complain, but every now and then I have days that make me understand why being a mother is the best and most important job I could ever have.

I've been trying to pack up the house so there are boxes everywhere. I forgot how much fun an empty box could be for two small children. Today, Big J crawled inside and started drawing pictures.



As is always the case, Little J soon followed and pretended to draw like her big sister.



Then they were both inside. How cute!



Little J would have hung out in there all day if I let her.



Big J even helped me put things away for storage. She's been so good about this whole moving thing. She knows we're going to be staying with Mema and Pepa for a while and she seems okay with it. Even when we packed up some of her toys and told her that we won't be able to bring the swingset with us, she was fine. I guess only time will tell!

How to Teach Your Child Manners

I've been struggling with this as of late. My daughter has been driving me up a wall. She's got a major attitude. Sometimes I think she's 4 going on 14. It seems like she doesn't care about anyone's feelings. Everything my husband and I say she has a snide comment for. Or, better yet, she repeats everything.

Me: "Big J, come to the table, it's time for dinner."
Her: "I'm not done coloring."
Me: "You can finish after we eat."
Her: "No."
Me: "Put it away sweetie."
Her: "You put it away."
Me: "Don't talk to me like that."
Her: "Don't talk to me like that."

And on and on. A time-out would usually follow, but I'm not sure they really do anything. It just seems to be happening a lot lately. I'm so tired of yelling and punishing. Is this my fault? Is this the result of the negative atomosphere my husband and I create by always picking on each other? How do I fix it? She knows about good manners and what's polite and what kind of behavior I expect of her so why does it seem so hard?

I've also been thinking a lot about consequences. I want Big J to think, even if it's for a split second, about what will happen BEFORE she launches a ball at the back of her baby sister's head. (it was a soft ball, but it knocked her down nonetheless). I know that's a lot to ask, but she's capable of understanding the concept. I'm not happy with how aggressive she is towards her sister. I wish she could empathize a little more. She has no patience for her crying. She yells at her. Maybe it's all trickling down. We yell at her, she's feels helpless and out of control. Then, she snaps at the baby to feel more grown up and in control. Does that even make sense?

I've been really trying to examine how my relationship with my husband affects the kids and these are some of the things that are in my mind.

In keeping with my post about attitude, I snapped a picture of Big J at a birthday party on Saturday that makes me chuckle. It's a classic look for her. It's my Best Shot. Don't you just love the little scowl? Go check out all the other great pictures.

Trying a Little Harder

Last night, as I laid in bed with my husband, I told him the truth. I'm worried about how our relationship is affecting our daughter.

I'm afraid that she's going to grow up remembering how much her mommy and daddy used to fight. I'm afraid she'll grow up thinking mommy is "lazy," or "annoying," or "crazy." I'm afraid it's changing her.

Big J has always had a strong personality, but it's only lately that I've noticed her apathy towards certain things. She just doesn't seem to care when she hurts someone's feelings. At least that's what it seems like. She can be loud and bossy and completely rigid, kind of like my husband. He even said last night that she's "just like me."

I want to try and change that but I'm just not sure how. How do you make a child empathetic? How do you make a 4 year-old see that's she's being rude or hurtful? The thing is, she's not like this at school. I've never once gotten a complaint or even a mention of something mean that she's done. I even asked the teacher if there's ever been a problem with her behavior. The answer was no.

So I think it's us. Don't get me wrong, I understand that part of this is natural. She's asserting herself. She's trying to push boundaries and find her own way in this world. I think those things are important. What I'm worried about is that she's growing up in an environment of negativity. Would things be different ff my husband and I tried harder to keep our mouths shut when we're annoyed with each other or if we tried harder at not letting the stress of everyday life affect our mood when we're with the kids?

All of this came about when I found out my brother-in-law and his wife are getting a divorce. They have a daughter and she's stuck in the middle. Her parents fight in front of her. Her daddy calls her mommy horrible things (so it's being said) and now they've had enough. My neice is 7 years-old. She's sad. She's worried. That's a lot for a little girl to feel.

A while back, another one of my husband's brothers was headed for a divorce. They have 3 girls. They didn't go through with it because of the kids, but sister-in-law says that they just don't care about each other anymore. How sad is that?

So I guess I've been thinking about how my husband and I treat each other because of all that. We've been there before, we've talked about the 'D' word but we always said that's not what we want. Things are just difficult right now. It'll get better. I just hope we can change things for our daughter's sake. I want her to grow up with a loving, supportive mommy and daddy. Not just towards her but towards each other.

My Style

The theme over at Stacy's was a perfect one for me this week. I just started a new blog for photography called Stacy Mae Photography. It's going to be about the process of starting a business. I am giving myself a year to get things going, to learn everything I need to know about photography and business to actually be successful and I wanted to share all that with anyone who's willing to listen. I'm on the Internet every day looking for tools, tips, tricks, articles ~ anything that might help me in this process. So I figured why not keep it all in one place.

Anyway, part of the process of starting a photography business is developing your own style. I've thought a lot about what I want my style to be. Since I'm just starting out it's kind of hard to put into words, but I know what it's definitely not. I don't want to have to set up a whole scene while doing a shoot. Most of you know, I already work part-time in a studio. When clients come in we have to create a story for them, props and all. While it's cute and creative, it's just not me. I want to capture children in their own environment being themselves. I don't want to have to force a smile. In fact, I don't even need them to look at me. I like pictures that show emotion. I love watching children play. I would prefer to shoot a child baking cookies with their mom or chasing after a ball or blowing bubbles.

I like simple, uncomplicated backgrounds ~ a grassy field or a solid wall. I hate taking pictures in my house because the background is always so cluttered. I like bright fun photos but at the same time I am drawn to dark, dramatic pictures as well. I'm a contradiction, I know!

These two pictures are of my oldest daughter smelling flowers, the first flowers of the season. I used the new presets in Adobe Lightroom 2.0, which is really cool btw. I think they are definitely my style.

My Truth

On Monday, Tracey posted a shot of herself early in the morning, no makeup, no editing, just a raw image of herself. She was participating in a Flickr group where people post their self-portraits unapologetically.

So this morning I busted out the camera. I took three pictures with the self-timer and each one was pretty crappy. Still, I picked one that shows me as a truly am. Just when the camera was about to click, Little J came strolling over and my dog, Coco, decided to sit down in my lap. Little J is in focus, but mommy's not. That's okay though because that's how things should be. The focus should be on her, on both on them.

I'll keep trying to put more of myself in focus, to bring back the parts of me that got blurry when I became a mom. I keep getting interrupted, just like this morning. That's me ~ mom, interrupted. Still, I couldn't ask for more adorable reasons to feel muddled.