Trying a Little Harder

Last night, as I laid in bed with my husband, I told him the truth. I'm worried about how our relationship is affecting our daughter.

I'm afraid that she's going to grow up remembering how much her mommy and daddy used to fight. I'm afraid she'll grow up thinking mommy is "lazy," or "annoying," or "crazy." I'm afraid it's changing her.

Big J has always had a strong personality, but it's only lately that I've noticed her apathy towards certain things. She just doesn't seem to care when she hurts someone's feelings. At least that's what it seems like. She can be loud and bossy and completely rigid, kind of like my husband. He even said last night that she's "just like me."

I want to try and change that but I'm just not sure how. How do you make a child empathetic? How do you make a 4 year-old see that's she's being rude or hurtful? The thing is, she's not like this at school. I've never once gotten a complaint or even a mention of something mean that she's done. I even asked the teacher if there's ever been a problem with her behavior. The answer was no.

So I think it's us. Don't get me wrong, I understand that part of this is natural. She's asserting herself. She's trying to push boundaries and find her own way in this world. I think those things are important. What I'm worried about is that she's growing up in an environment of negativity. Would things be different ff my husband and I tried harder to keep our mouths shut when we're annoyed with each other or if we tried harder at not letting the stress of everyday life affect our mood when we're with the kids?

All of this came about when I found out my brother-in-law and his wife are getting a divorce. They have a daughter and she's stuck in the middle. Her parents fight in front of her. Her daddy calls her mommy horrible things (so it's being said) and now they've had enough. My neice is 7 years-old. She's sad. She's worried. That's a lot for a little girl to feel.

A while back, another one of my husband's brothers was headed for a divorce. They have 3 girls. They didn't go through with it because of the kids, but sister-in-law says that they just don't care about each other anymore. How sad is that?

So I guess I've been thinking about how my husband and I treat each other because of all that. We've been there before, we've talked about the 'D' word but we always said that's not what we want. Things are just difficult right now. It'll get better. I just hope we can change things for our daughter's sake. I want her to grow up with a loving, supportive mommy and daddy. Not just towards her but towards each other.