3.23.2006

Calgon, Take Me Away


I need a vacation. No whining toddler. No jerky husband. Just me and a margarita.

I can't seem to catch a break lately. My daughter has been super clingy and my husband doesn't lift a finger to help ... with anything ... at all.

I actually had the nerve to ask him to help me clean yesterday and he flat out said no. I wasn't expecting him to jump up and start dusting the television, but his blatant refusal kind of took me off guard.

Anyway, it's been 4 days since we've had sex and I have no desire. I'm exhausted, even though I get 7, sometimes 8 hours of sleep. I don't know what my problem is. I just can't seem to put forth the effort. How horrible is that? Just one more thing to feel guilty about. Add that to the list!

You know what I need? A mommy soulmate! I don't have anyone to really talk to. I mean, I have two girlfriends from high school that I call my best friends, but if I'm being brutally honest, they're just not cutting it. I'm lucky if I talk to either one of them once a week. My mother is the closest thing to a best friend, but I don't want to disappoint her. I also don't want her to worry so I sugarcoat things.

I have a twin sister and she is awesome, but she's not a mommy. She's not even married. Not like that matters because men can be dickheads whether you've tied the knot or not.

I just need someone who understands. Someone who knows what I'm talking about when I say I've a bad day. Someone who understands how frustrating it is to bring a toddler into a store and then have to abandon a cart full of stuff to carry a screaming maniac out to the car. Someone who understands that I don't want to have sex tonight ... and maybe not tomorrow night ... and maybe not the next night either. I don't have a headache. I just don't want to.

Someone who understands that I'm a bitch all the time because I'm a mom and it's hard. Someone who doesn't make me feel bad for not always being the best mom - for losing my patience when I should be warm and caring, for yelling at my little girl, for wanting to leave and run away, for wanting a break from doing the SAME thing over and over again every day.

I need someone who understands me and my dreams (I have them you know). I need someone to motivate me, to comfort me, to support me, to nurture me, to force me to see the joy in parenting, the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish it were my husband, but it's not.

So for now, it's you ~ my lovely blog.

22 comments:

Nicole said...

It's hard to feel so isolated and lonely, isn't it? And the guilt for having those feelings when your with your child all day just adds to the pain, am I right? I find that it does help to have other mommy friends who get it and to whom you feel comfortable enough with to lay it all out there. I'm lucky enough to found a couple of those special ladies, but it's not easy to get to that point with someone. And, frankly, a husband, no matter how wonderful, is incapable of "getting it." Hang in there!

Kristen said...

I loved that post, Stacy. Nicely done. I think you're onto something - Mommy Soulmates...

rhonda said...

Wow, I could have written that post myself. I am the exact same way.

We can be virtual soulmates :)

Sandra said...

You know you brought tears to my eyes with your post. It was like reading about myself. I go through those feelings day in and day out. It's extremely hard to be the one doing it all at times, and it's frustrating when you ask your husband for a small favor only to be met with a "NO", or "I work all day I'm tired, you're not the one going to work".
But I've learnt that men really don't GET IT. At first I thought it was that they were being jerks, but honestly I don't think they get it.
I know the trips to the store, I have a 2 year old and there are days that I feel totally helpless, he's actually brought me to tears while grocery shopping.

I love the Mommy Soulmates. I have single friends who just don't understand, they give me the "It can't be THAT bad", but it is. Not taking away from all the wonderful moments of being a mom but there are times that I feel like I've lost myself.

Just know that there are so many out here that feel the way you do, and if you ever need to talk or vent to someone who's been there and still doing that, you can just email me at bourlandcs@msn.com :)
Hope you feel better :)

chelle said...

awwww I just want to track you down and hug you!!! I am tired too!! It takes a lot of energy to raise a toddler!!! A LOT! It sucks that your husband doesn't get it...can you leave the toddler with him for the weekend??? Maybe he just doesn't get it!
You are so not alone, most honest moms will tell ya they are tired, need more help and aren't in the mood!
hugz

Juliabohemian said...

the fact that your husband isn't lifting a finger to help makes it difficult for you to WANT to make the effort. Trust me, I know all about that.

JayMonster said...

I think Parent Soulmates is an excellent thing.

Feeling isolated isn't only for women (although in fairness I will state it is more likely to be women than men).

Mrs. Chicky said...

*Big Squeeze*

That's from me to you. I'm with you on this... Sometimes you just want someone to say "Parenting Sucks, Husbands Suck (or wives, too), Life Sucks" to. And that person will not only listen as you vent but also agree with all your rantings about how crappy life is on occasion. Over margaritas, of course.

And as for your anti-cleaning husband try this... Every dirty dish he leaves in the sink or pair of underwear and socks he leaves on the floor for you to pick up, take them all and leave them in a pile on his side of the bed. He'll get the hint after a while! Plus you can tell him "Honey, its hard to feel sexy when there are flies buzzing around your head. Maybe you should clean up your mess."
:)

MamaKBear said...

I definitely understand! I stay at home with my two little girls, ages 3 and 11 months. Worse yet, we only have one car, so I'm pretty much STUCK at home until my husband gets home from work, which can be pretty late at night sometimes.

I hear ya, sister...email me anytime!

Diana said...

oh man, you're husband sounds very close to mine. Everytime I ask for something it turns into a fight. Because apparently I should be doing everything, right???
Honey, e-mail me anytime. We could vent together.

Nancy said...

Motherhood is hard. Marriage is hard. Sometimes being a woman can be hard. I think when all those things start to weigh on you it's not long before you do feel tired and overwhelmed -- no matter how much rest you get.

Take care of yourself, and remember you have a community of friends here if there's anything you need.

Mommy off the Record said...

I'm sorry that you are feeling down. I had a really good friend who was a mommy, but she recently moved away so we try to do the long-distance thing, but it's just not the same. I have other mommy friends but we're not quite at the point of sharing everything yet.

I do hope you feel better soon. Blogging really IS good therapy and you are linking up virtually with a lot of great women who can give you support.

chichimama said...

Hugs. It is a hard time of life. Try to do something just for you.

Pammylew said...

I ran across your page from reading Mamak's and I'm glad I did!!! I have had the exact same feelings that you have. I too sometimes that I don't the outlets needed to release frustrations. It is really hard to find a "friend" that you can really count on to be there at ALL times! Good luck and I hope you find happiness soon. I'm not complete yet, but I have made myself make time for ME and it has helped a lot. Blogging has helped a lot as well, but sometimes you need more! Wishing you the best!

Awesome Mom said...

This whole issue is why I started my blog. It frustrates the hell out of me when my husband acts like he is doing me a favor when he cleans the kitchen. It also annoys the crap out of me when I get flack from him for trying to leave for the evening to do something, anything with out the kids. My ideal vacaiton would be to leave for a few days and spend all day in bed watching tv while my husband has to figure out how I do all the things I do. He won't be claiming that he does all the housework then (he thinks that by cleaning the kitchen now and then he is magically magnifying his effort to the whole house and that is the only way any cleaning gets done).

IzzyMom said...

It's hard with little ones to raise, houses to keep and a husband that's not always helpful. And there's this whole mommy cult of pod people that don't ever want to talk about the fact that sometimes the whole thing really blows. I just miss having a cool mommy friend to run around with. But God...even if someone like that existed, who has time to cultivate friendships in real life, right? And that's why we blog. You clearly have a lot of people right here that care and will listen. Feel free to lean on us :-) {{hugs}}

Mega Mom said...

Behold, the Internet.

Anonymous said...

Men just don't understand that foreplay doesn't start in bed. It starts with everything. When they show us they don't care about our needs then we don't want to be close to them. They don't get that it a package deal.

At my old job there was this big machine that the two (male) operators had to clean every week. They were both pretty cute, but I became insanely attracted to them when they would put on those long green Playtex gloves to clean the thing...It was like my brain went "Men cleaning! Ooh la la baby!"

In other news, when my ex used to "forget" to help clean the house, I would scrub the grout with his toothbrush. He never knew...but it at least gave me a laugh, and I figured it was my way to get him to participate.

SUEB0B said...

I liked your post so much I linked to it from my blog.

Petite Mom Blogger said...

I really enjoyed this entry. It brought tears to my eyes. I can totally understand some of what you are going through. I think all moms can. Being a mom is a lot of hard work.

I hope that this blog can atleast make you feel less isolated and more understood.

I've added you to my blogroll...

Mama22Boys said...

Just want you to know that you are not alone and that I applaud your honesty and sincerity.

peggyjean said...

peggyjean
I want you to know I too have husband like yours, I hold down full-time job 7-5 daily and I still am expected to do it all. Please email me anytime!