Calgon, Take Me Away
I need a vacation. No whining toddler. No jerky husband. Just me and a margarita.
I can't seem to catch a break lately. My daughter has been super clingy and my husband doesn't lift a finger to help ... with anything ... at all.
I actually had the nerve to ask him to help me clean yesterday and he flat out said no. I wasn't expecting him to jump up and start dusting the television, but his blatant refusal kind of took me off guard.
Anyway, it's been 4 days since we've had sex and I have no desire. I'm exhausted, even though I get 7, sometimes 8 hours of sleep. I don't know what my problem is. I just can't seem to put forth the effort. How horrible is that? Just one more thing to feel guilty about. Add that to the list!
You know what I need? A mommy soulmate! I don't have anyone to really talk to. I mean, I have two girlfriends from high school that I call my best friends, but if I'm being brutally honest, they're just not cutting it. I'm lucky if I talk to either one of them once a week. My mother is the closest thing to a best friend, but I don't want to disappoint her. I also don't want her to worry so I sugarcoat things.
I have a twin sister and she is awesome, but she's not a mommy. She's not even married. Not like that matters because men can be dickheads whether you've tied the knot or not.
I just need someone who understands. Someone who knows what I'm talking about when I say I've a bad day. Someone who understands how frustrating it is to bring a toddler into a store and then have to abandon a cart full of stuff to carry a screaming maniac out to the car. Someone who understands that I don't want to have sex tonight ... and maybe not tomorrow night ... and maybe not the next night either. I don't have a headache. I just don't want to.
Someone who understands that I'm a bitch all the time because I'm a mom and it's hard. Someone who doesn't make me feel bad for not always being the best mom - for losing my patience when I should be warm and caring, for yelling at my little girl, for wanting to leave and run away, for wanting a break from doing the SAME thing over and over again every day.
I need someone who understands me and my dreams (I have them you know). I need someone to motivate me, to comfort me, to support me, to nurture me, to force me to see the joy in parenting, the light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish it were my husband, but it's not.
So for now, it's you ~ my lovely blog.