Guest Post: Blog Exchange

Please welcome my guest poster today from Goosie, Mousie, Daddy and Me. She's got "a pre-schooler destined for a career as a lawyer, a baby whose screams can shatter glass, a man who can drink his own weight in Natty Light, and a woman who's just trying to keep the kitchen floor clean, dammit." And come check me out here.

Mother, may I...?

Yes, that's correct. Not "...can I?" Because, well yes, you CAN. But MAY you? Heck no.

I grew up with several standards of behavior. Sitting/standing up straight. Saying "please" and "thank you". Responding "he/she can't come to the phone right now" when receiving a telephone call for an absent parent. But using proper grammar was also very near the top of the list.

To this day, it sticks with me. I have a hard time uttering the word "ain't". I correct Tacy when she begins a sentence with "Me and so-and-so". I can hardly keep from wincing noticeably when I hear people say "between he and I" or "she and myself will do such-and-such".

I listen to people talking and giggle inwardly at what the conversation would look like if it were written down, word for word. Nonsensical sentence fragments, pauses filled with "uh" and "like", thoughts ending in "whatever" or "sooooo...."

By no means do I think I speak perfectly. I don't write perfectly, even though I have the luxury of re-reading my words and editing them. Speaking well is significantly more difficult, and I know that if I were to record my own words and play them back, I'd be mortified.

So if and when I meet you, please don't expect too much. I will use "may" and "can" properly, I will use the correct pronouns and in the correct order, and you will not hear me say the word "ain't". But those vestiges of Valley Girl are still present, and I can't promise that I will refrain from saying "like". Because, like, I really want to chat with you at BlogHer. May I?

These posts are part of our May Blog Exchange on the theme Mother May I. Click around to read some of the other posts: Nancy, Vicki, Julie, Chase, Stacy, Christina, Jen, Mabel, TB, Mel, Izzy, Mayberry Mom, Amy, and Laurie. If you’d like to participate in the June Exchange, please email Kristen at kmei26 at yahoo.com. Enjoy!

The Hurtful Things We Say

Another gem from hubby:

"You're not a priority, you're a bitch."

He's Not a Mindreader

My mom tells me this all the time. That if I want my husband to do something - laundry, dishes, diapers - I have to ask.

Well, when is that just an excuse? "You didn't ask honey, so I just sat on my ass all day watching television while you cleaned the house, fed the baby, played with her, gave her a bath, and put her to bed." Why do I have to ask for every little thing? The whole concept just makes me mad.

I work on Saturdays and it's a really long day. I'm a gymnastics instructor at a facility for kids and on Saturdays I teach 3 classes in a row. This weekend I had to teach 5 to cover for someone. That's almost 5 hours straight of gymnastics. 5 hours of trying to get a 2 year-old to stand up straight on a balance beam. 5 hours of running, jumping, galloping, forward rolls, pullovers, and cartwheels.

After work, I got dressed in the bathroom, drove to my niece's communion party and put in another 5 hours of overtime.

I watched the baby while hubby went inside to catch the NFL draft and parts of the Devils/Rangers game. I pushed J on the swings at my sister-in-laws house, helped her down the slide, fed her, played referee between her and her cousins, blew bubbles, kissed her boo boo, and watched while she had a grand old time.

When we got home from the party, I was still working. I didn't get a break all day and I was fuming. But because I didn't ask for help, it's all my fault. Because complaining about how much my back hurt wasn't enough of a clue that maybe I needed a break. Because watching me doing everything from the comfort of the couch wasn't enough to make him feel guilty.

Oh and here's the kicker. I did speak up to hubby after the baby was in bed. He asked me what was wrong and I laughed because I thought for sure he can't be that stupid. But I was wrong. He apparently had no clue that I had a long day and would have liked a little more help from him. Screw help. I'm used to doing everything. I would have liked some compassion, some companionship, some awareness.

You don't want me to act like your mother so why make me nag you? Open your eyes and take a look around asshole! The icing on the cake was when we were arguing and I mentioned how hard I worked. Hubby replied, "You don't know what work is."

Doesn't my hubby have a way with words? He's always knows just what to say! His reason for not lifting a finger - I didn't ask. So I ask you again, when is that just an excuse for laziness?


My Life is a Supernanny Episode

Ahhh, the art of distraction. It's a mom's best weapon against unwanted behavior. It's also a skill hubby has not yet mastered.

Yesterday was my first experience with a specific kind of toddler tantrum. The "Mommy, please don't go," outburst.


J had tears streaming down her pink cheeks. She poured it on thick, yelling, "Mommy stay with me please. Mommy, I need a big, big hug. Mommy, hold me. Mommy, don't go."

Did you hear my heart just break? Really, I'm sure you over there in California must have heard something like a huge tear in the Earth around 5:00 yesterday. Anyway, I sure could have used Nanny Jo's help!

Hubby didn't help the situation at all. While she was crying and I was saying, "Hon, I have to go," he was playing a video game. "I just have to get to a point where I can save the game," he told me.

When he finally did come over, he made no attempt to pry her from my arms. He just sat and watched as she cried and tried to keep me from leaving. She followed me to the front door, she wouldn't let me open it, she tried to grab my hand ~ all the while my helpful hubby is standing there.

They both watched as I walked out the door, walked down the driveway, got into my car, and drove away waving.


What Was I Thinking?

I wrote this in college. Don't laugh, it was a long time ago ...

Sometimes I hate myself. I can be so obnoxious. I get so angry at people who make noise. I come to the library for peace and quiet, not to be subjected to one man’s violent attacks. I studied his appearance to search for a sign, a clue as to why he was torturing me.

He sat down at my table, exactly across from me. Of course, I should mention that there were two tables to the right of me that remained annoyingly empty. He had messy brown hair, combed over to hide his creeping baldness. Today he wore a blue sweater, with dark coffee stains, and a red flannel shirt underneath. He had on brown glasses with speckles of red in the frame. His ears were enormous, probably to hold up his heavy glasses. He had cuts on his throat from shaving too quickly.

I noticed his hands were clean and well manicured, probably because he spends his days reading, never enjoying the feel of dirt underneath his fingernails. Today, there is a biology book open in front of him. His pale, delicate fingers turn the pages and then he stops and stares. Something on that page must have sparked an interest. Then, he licks his lips ever so slightly to moisten the cold, dry skin. I didn’t notice a wedding ring and I soon found out why.

Just like the thunder rolls in during a terrible storm, I heard a noise that would have scared Jesus in Heaven. I didn’t have time to brace myself for the impact so the actual incident scarred me for days. From out of the mouth of this small, feeble man came the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. His nostrils flared open and it seemed as though he would cough up his intestines. I had to force myself to remain in my chair for the force was so great I thought I would topple over. This man’s lunch must have been lodged in his throat and was now trying to get out.

I got so angry I gathered my things and left the library, never able to forget that day, and always apprehensive about who sat next to me. I’m sure I was punished when, the next day, I climbed on the shuttle bus to go home after a tense day in school. The only seat left was next to an immense woman who took up three quarters of the seat. Standing up would have meant injury because the bus driver is a maniac from driving hell.

So, I squeezed my behind on a space that my arm wouldn’t be satisfied leaning on and the rest of the students piled aboard. They packed the bus until full capacity and wouldn’t you know, the last person he let on had a huge backpack. Fate was not kind to me that day. The person turned around to talk to a friend and whacked me in the head with the lethal backpack. Good friends they were, I’m sure, because the entire ride to the parking lot I was smooshed between a fat lady and a hard place. The moral of the story being, stand if you have to and avoid everyone.


My 100th Post!

Yay for me! I have actually stuck with something long enough to reach a milestone.

As I was lurking online today, thinking of ways to celebrate my 100th post, I found this article on Slate.com. The author writes about why she shut down her blog.

"I had kept the blog for nearly five years, using it as a repository for personal anecdotes, travelogues, and the occasional flight of fiction—all of which I hoped, eventually, might lead to a novel. And then, somewhere between the bedsheets and 6 a.m., I realized something: Blogging wasn't helping me write; it was keeping me from it."

I thought about this for a while and felt bad for her. Blogging has had the opposite effect for me. It has encouraged me to write, to think, and be creative. It has forced me to keep up with a hobby I have long neglected. It has put me in touch with other bloggers who inspire me and make me think.

So, for my 100th post, I'd like to pay tribute to those of you who make me try harder. Thanks!

Italian Trivia
Bite My Cookie
Chicky Chicky Baby
Izzy Mom
Mama Tulip
Mrs. Fortune and Her Cookie
Crouching Mommy, Hidden Laundry
Motherhood Uncensored
Morphing into Mama

And to all of the other wonderful women out there I have yet to discover, thanks!

P.S. Please don't get mad if I didn't include a link to you here. J is tugging at my arm, these are all I could fit in a 2 minute window. Every blog I read and comment on makes me want to be a better mom.


Potty Training Pointers?

I need some help ya'll. I am trying to decide if J is ready for potty training. She will be 3 years old in June and it seems like that is the 'right' age for ditching diapers. I keep hearing conflicting advice though. Everyone I talk to agrees that you should never force the issue, which I definitely support. However, what do you do with a toddler who meets all the criteria, but is terrified of the toilet?

According to a bunch of different articles I've read, J is ready to use the potty - she stays dry for several hours, she verbalizes her need to go potty, she is interested in other people's bathroom habits, she can pull her pants down and get on the potty all by herself, and she's good at following directions. Still, she refuses to sit on the potty without her diaper. She seems afraid. She says, "I don't like it." Does that mean she's not ready yet? I have an empty chart taped next to the toilet. I've tried to lure her with stickers, prizes, more Play-Doh, but she doesn't care. I've even started giving myself stickers for going to the bathroom. She likes to watch me pee (I know, I know) and I try to act all excited that I did it "all by myself," and that I wear "big girl" underwear, but still no desire. I can leave her in underwear all day and when she has to pee, she will run over to me with a diaper and say, "Mommy, I need a diaper." If I put it on, she will pee and tell me all about it. She even tells me when she's pooping.

Her OT thinks she's definitely ready, cognitively speaking. My mother, on the other hand, is telling me to back off. I can wait until she turns 3 and start again in the summertime, but I'm nervous. I can't believe this is giving me so much anxiety. I know she'll get it, but maybe it's because of her eating issues. I feel like I failed at that and I don't want to fail at this or screw it up.

Do you guys have any advice? What worked (or didn't) for you?


I'll Show You Mine, You Show Me Yours

Self-proclaimed Supermom wants to see everyone's tattoos. Here's mine ...

This scorpion tattoo is on my right shoulder and I got it when I was 18. It came out a lot bigger than expected, but I love it. My next one will be a Chinese symbol on my foot. I think I'm going to do the symbol for daughter.

Now it's you're turn ...

P.S. Check out hers.

Party's Over, Everybody Out!

The party was a success! And thank god it's over.

My first attempt at party planning and everything turned out beautiful. Except I ordered way too much food and now my fridge is full of chicken francese and penne vodka. Not to mention soda, water, wine, cookies, salad, and chocolate covered pretzels, but what are you gonna do?

I'll tell you one thing that didn't turn out quite like I planned ~ the guest list. There were people I invited who called me an hour before the party was to start and canceled. One so-called friend didn't even bother, she e-mailed me her regrets. Something about Greek Easter and traffic. Whatever!

I guess it just goes to show who your real friends are. Nothing like a party to weed out the bad seeds. At one point I looked around and saw mostly family, which is fine with me. It's the one constant in my life and I like it that way.

Oh and the cake thing ~ it was a total coincidence. He had no idea I had already ordered a Captain America cake. Maybe we are meant to be!!!


Shhhh! It's a Surprise

So tonight is the night. I am throwing my hubby a surprise 30th birthday party. After months and months of planning, I can finally put this thing behind me ~ just a few more hours ...

My stomach is in knots. I really hope he is surprised. Although yesterday, while food shopping, I asked him what kind of cake he wants for the day of his birthday. "A Captain America shield." Huh? That's EXACTLY the cake I ordered from the caterer! Could it just be chance? Did someone spill the beans? Has he been checking my e-mail, the bastard?

If that's the case, and he knows, I wish he would say something so that I could relax a little and enjoy this night. I worked hard on this.

I did an 80's theme. We're playing all 80's music, all night long. I put together gift baskets with 80's memoribilia ~ movies, music, games, toys, even candy. At the end of the night, I'm going to raffle off the baskets to a lucky winner. I even thought about bringing in a TV to play Atari, but it's too much to deal with. As it is, I had to leave most of the planning to a few family members. I realized during this whole process that I am a control freak.

Ugh my stomach! Wish me luck amigos. Oh and here's a little weekend sunshine in the form of a video. It's J singing happy birthday to her daddy. His real birthday is Wednesday, the 26th. Ciao!!

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P.S. Don't mind the mess behind her!!


I'm having trouble getting a post together today. I want to write about something I read on Kristen's blog, but my daughter is not cooperating today. I put on the Heffalump movie and told her I needed to check my e-mail (wink!).

Still, I can't finish a serious thought because she keeps asking me questions ...

"Mom, what's Roo doing?"

In Kristen's post she has a really great paragraph about moms in general: "Sure, we know motherhood brings with it some level of sacrifice. But, how much is too much? When do we say, darling, YOU need to put the baby to bed? Or baby, you need to cry a little bit to get yourself back to sleep? Or, Kristen, YOU need to take a shower today. What about US?"

"Mom, what's coco (our dog) doing?"

I would love to be able to say to my hubby "honey, you need to put the baby to bed tonight," WITHOUT the attitude. In fact, I tried that just yesterday. I actually said to him ...

"Mommy, play with me please?"

Dammit, where was I? Oh, I actually said to hubby yesterday, "I need to get some stuff together for my sister's bridal shower. Can you take J to her gym class so that I can have some peace and quiet?" His response - no! Flat out refusal. He told me he would feel uncomfortable being one of the only guys. Jesus Christ!

"Mommy, play with me PLEASE!!"

So then I asked him to take her to the park, to the pet store (she loves it there), for a ride in the car, anywhere. He attempted to do so but when J said no, she wanted mommy to do it too, he gave up. "She doesn't want me," he said.

"Mom, what's Pooh doing?"

Ugh! Anyway, about the sacrificial mom. When am I going to get my turn? My turn to do things for myself so that I don't go crazy? How do I get my hubby to realize that he has to step up without automatically putting him on the defensive?

"Mommy, can I sit on your lap?"

I just want some time for myself ...

"Mom, what's that noise?"

Can't I get a damn minute to finish this post?

"Mom, look at Eeyore, what's he doing?"

Aaaah, fuck it!!


The To-Do List of My Dreams

I found this really cool website called 43 Things. It's basically a blog-type website where visitors list their goals, all the things they hope to do before they die; from the serious to the silly. I decided to create my own list and share it with you guys. Hopefully I can start checking things off real soon.

1. See my daughter get married
2. Watch my grandchildren grow up
3. Ride a motorcycle
4. Be on television
5. Meet Oprah
6. Take dance lessons
7. Become a skilled photographer
8. Publish an article in Parents magazine
9. Get lasik surgery
10. Fix my crooked teeth
11. Get a tummy tuck
12. Travel to Hawaii
13. Travel to Australia
14. Travel to Italy
15. Swim with dolphins
16. Own a business
17. Write a book
18. Go on a yacht
19. Karaoke
20. Sit in the audience at the Oscars
21. Finish organizing my closet
22. Wear a bikini (only after the tummy tuck!)
23. Meet some of the women I have come to love in the blogoshpere
24. Have a 30th birthday bash
25. Tell my ex-boyfriends what I really think about them.
26. Have my palms read
27. Gamble in Vegas
28. Fly in a hot air balloon
29. Fly in a helicopter
30. Win at an amusement park game. Any game! I can't even win those dam balloon races!
31. Dye my hair a crazy color like pink or black.
32. Get out of debt
33. Drive a convertible
34. Watch a volcano erupt
35. Learn to cook one unbelievable meal
36. See Bon Jovi in concert (hey, I'm from Jersey!)
37. Exercise regularly
38. Learn to paint
39. Take care of my parents
40. Fall back in love with my hubby (you know that giddy, can't-wait-to-see-you type love)
41. Finish the scrapbook I started for J
42. Live in the house of my dreams
43. Win the lottery (ok so this is unlikely to happen, but I couldn't think of anything else!)

Ok so that wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Granted, I probably could have come up with better ones had I more time to think, but I'm pretty happy with the list.

What's on your list of things to do before you die???

Oh and I wanted to update you guys on our family casting call. The producer e-mailed me and said the host doesn't think there is anymore they can do for J that the therapists aren't already doing. So no trip to London! Boo hoo!!


Mean People Suck

What is with people these days?

Is it too much to ask for eye contact, a smile, a simple thank you? I don't get it. In the grocery store, at the mall, the pizza delivery guy ~ no one likes to say hello anymore?

No where have I noticed this more than at the playground. Scratch that. Anywhere I go with J, I am surprised by the lack of warmth or common courtesy I see.

My daughter is the most talkative toddler you will ever meet. She has absolutely no problem going up to people on the street and saying hello. She loves babies and other kids and always wants to chat. I think it's great, but some people are not so receptive. Children will run away or stare blankly at my daughter as if it's a foreign concept to simply smile back. They look scared or nervous and I just don't get it.

Mostly I feel bad for J. She is super sweet and will continue to talk, but most kids don't hang around to listen to what she has to say. I get no response from parents either. If a child were to come up to J, I would probably initiate the conversation by asking the little person what his/her name is, maybe ask what they're doing, or comment on their cute shoes ~ something to acknowledge that this child is in my presence.

I would not, however, stand there in an awkward silence.

I try my best not to walk around in a fog. I am very aware of my surroundings and like to think that I am a friendly person. I think that comes with being a mom ... or does it? How do you react when another child approaches your son/daughter? Do you smile, say hello, or just keep on walking?

At her age, I'm sure J doesn't quite understand the complexities of human behavior, but I worry that she is hurt, or will be hurt, when other children don't return her kind gestures. It hurts my feelings.

I've Got No Time For an Original Post

I'm rushing around this morning ... took Benedryl last night ... damn allergies ... overslept ... must get to work ... check out this repost (with a few updates) ... have a nice day!

Habits I Need to Break

-Wiping food on the back of my pants. I am too lazy to get a paper towel.

-Cursing. It's one of my worst habits. I love to swear. It makes me feel powerful. My daughter has picked up on it though and now lovingly refers to our dog Coco as a "pain in the ass."

-Buying clothes that don't fit. Why is everything made to be so clingy?

-Checking my e-mail every 2 seconds. That goes for Myspace, too!

-Eating when I'm bored. This has got to stop.

-Watching soap operas during my daughter's nap. It's a guilty pleasure! Updated to add blogging. I read as many as I can while watching soap operas and waiting for J to wake up and demand my attention.

What habits do you need to break?


Easter Lessons Learned

Do not let your almost 3 year-old play with the brightly colored grass in her Easter basket.

Do not try to vacuum up said grass without picking some up first or you will spend 30 minutes trying to unravel it all from the bottom of the machine.

Do not let your alomst 3 year-old mix the colors in those dye kits. Your Easter eggs will be a lovely shade of poo.

Do not forget your camera when your little one is looking this cute!

(no, that's not my house)

Do not, under any circumstances, give your almost 3 year-old any more Play-Doh (even if they come in cute little Easter egg shapes with bunny cut-outs)!!!!


Have a Nice Weekend!

I find it difficult to post on weekends especially since this one is a holiday. So, for your viewing pleasure, below is a video of J singing a little ditty. Enjoy!!

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Allow me to explain …

I feel the need to elaborate on my other woman post. I kind of left you guys hanging after saying that hubby and I got into a fight and he went over N’s house.

Some of you have said that it sounds like there is something going on, but I believe in my heart that he’s not cheating. The friendship does bother me and we’ve had discussions about it several times. He’s agreed to steer clear and I’ve told him not to expect me to go on any double dates.

The trouble is, he’s friends with N’s hubby. Pretty good friends, and the hubby doesn’t know that N is a slutty ho. I don’t want to be the one to break up a marriage. Not to mention the fact that N and my hubby work together, so they have to interact.

So for now I feel like I need to grin and bear it. He knows how I feel about the situation and you can be damn sure that I’ll let him know if he’s being insensitive.

With that said, one of my mama friends made a comment suggesting that perhaps I should put off having a second child until I’ve resolved certain issues with my hubby. I’ve been thinking about this … A LOT.

I love my husband, I really do. I think I’ve just forgotten the reasons I fell in love with him. When we first got together, it was his sense of humor that stole my heart. He was silly and I love that. A guy who’s not afraid to laugh at himself? That’s priceless. He was also a bad boy. He stayed out all night, got in trouble and I found that exciting. I was always attracted to the tough guy type. The thing that clinched it was his patience with me and his willingness to work things out.

In the 10 years that we’ve been together, things have been rough. We’ve moved at least 6 times, I lost my job, we’ve been in debt since the day we got married, we went through a miscarriage, a birth, and the realization that being parents is soooo not what we expected.

It’s been a difficult transition, especially for me. I used to dream of raising my kids, staying home with them the way my mom stayed home with us. When I had J, it was nothing like I had dreamed. I was miserable at home. I was angry a lot. I resented hubby the minute J was born. It was almost automatic. I don’t think I even gave him a chance to mess up. I just assumed he would and was already pissed. I was left to do everything and I didn’t want to. I wanted my life back, my freedom. Plus, J was difficult. Between her feeding issues and her ‘spirited’ personality, I was always exhausted and strained emotionally.

The stress of it all took a toll on my marriage big time. Hubby and I fight a lot. Part of me still resents him for not giving me the help I need. And I'm not talking about, "hey honey, can you fold the clothes?" I'm talking about help that comes intuitively and unconditionally. I want hubby to want to take J to the park so I can catch up on some cleaning. I don't want it to feel like I'm asking a huge favor all the time.

The other part of me is mad at myself. How dare I feel unhappy? I have a beautiful, healthy little girl. How many moms can say that? What is wrong with me? What am I waiting for? When am I going to wake up and start living instead of wallowing in self-pity?

Life is hard, J is a toddler, marriage is a work in progress. These are all hard truths that I have to accept. They are not going to change, except that J will get older and challenge me in new and interesting ways. Suck it up and get on with my life already!!!

So thanks juliabohemian for making me think. It's something I've been avoiding for a long time.


I've Been Tagged

My sweet mama friend over at What About Mommy tagged me, so here goes ...

I've been asked to reveal six weird facts/things/habits about myself and then tag six people.

1. Unlike Miss Nicole, I sleep with the covers over my head because I am terrified of vampires. Well, maybe not vampires, but I am terrified of someone coming to get me in the middle of the night.

2. Speaking of terrified, I hate scary movies. There have been times when I've watched something spooky like, "The Sixth Sense," and not slept for days afterward.

3. I could eat a whole package of Oreo cookies. I never have, but sometimes I really want to!

4. I have to go to bed every night at 10 o'clock. I don't know why, but I feel like if I stay up any later, I will be exhausted the next day. The reality is I end up feeling worse the more sleep I get.

5. A while back I wrote about not knowing whether I want a second child. Well, hubby and I tried for the first time this month and I just got my period. Part of me was relieved, but there was another part of me that was really disappointed. I'm going to take that as a sign that I am ready for number two!

6. I love Josh Duhamel and I want to have sex with him!! :)

Okay, that's it people. There's nothing more to see here. Go! Shoo! Go check out these 6 people I tagged.

The Weirdgirl
How Did I Get Here?
Domestic Chicky
The View From Crazy
Mom, Ma'am, Me
Musings of a Self-Proclaimed Supermom

Here are the rules:
1. Reveal six weird facts/things/habits about yourself and then tag six people
2. Leave a "You're Tagged!" comment to let the people you have tagged know they have to reveal six things (or the entire blogosphere will explode and it will be their fault)
3. Leave me a comment letting me know that you have completed your mission (if you have chosen to accept it!)


Liar, Liar Pants on Fire!

If you haven't done so already, check out Kristen's post about parenting styles.

"All you ever needed to know about parenting was heckling you from behind or passing you a really stupid note. Yes. I swear. Third grade."

She's right, but I wanted to add an extra category to include moms like me.

The Liar: This parenting style is similar to the bratty eight-year-old who made up stories about things they've done. Kid version: "I didn't go to bed until midnight last night. My mom lets me stay up as late as I want."

Mom version: "Oh sorry honey we can't watch Baby Einstein for the 435th time. The DVD player is broken. (Not) Sorry sweetie, I lost your favorite bedtime story - you know the one we read every single night, over and over. It's gone. (Not) Oops, all the Play-Doh dried up. (Not)

What's your parenting style???

A Long Weekend All to Myself?

The possibilities are endless.

The hip mamas over at CHBM have posed the question "If I had an entire weekend to myself I would ..." Here are my top 5.

1. Take a really long shower, shave my legs very carefully, and pluck my eyebrows. I rarely get to do all three together.

2. Go see a movie.

3. Read a book. I've fallen behind BIG TIME!

4. Shop until I drop, even if it's just to browse. Without a toddler in tow, I can look, I mean really look for new clothes, shoes, a shower curtain, towels, pots and pans, etc., etc.

5. I'm torn about this last one. I'd like to sit on the computer and read all the blogs I've been meaning to read, write all the posts I've been dreaming of writing, and tinkering with all the web tools I've been meaning to try. But, that could take the entire weekend all by itself. So, maybe I'd call a friend I haven't seen in a while and catch up over lunch.

What would you do?


Back to our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Enough of my whining ...

How cute is my little princess?

The Bitchfest Continues ...

First, let me apologize for not updating this weekend. Hubby is going away today for a WHOLE WEEK and I tried to spend some quality time with him and J.

Sounds sweet, I know, but I spent most of Sunday cranky and miserable because I had my period and major migraine. Plus, we went to his parents house for a birthday party and it was chaos. My hubby comes from a HUGE Italian family with 11 crazy grandkids so far.

Anyway, want to hear a funny story from the party? My MIL actually yelled at my neice for not being hungry. And then when the little girl was curled up in her mama's lap crying, MIL continued to scold her and say that if she doesn't eat she will have to go to the hospital. All I could do was shake my head. This is the same family where MY DAUGHTER has a feeding issue so you can imagine the things they've said to try and get her to eat.

Oh and we also have THAT UNCLE in the family. You know, the weird, hairy guy who talks nonsense and scares all the kids? I think there's one in every family. Anyway, he decided to tell one of my nephews that if he didn't eat then he was going to get so skinny he would turn into a skeleton and die. "Do you know what that means," he asked him. "You'll be taken away from you mommy daddy and you'll never see them again." The boy is 3 YEARS OLD.


So about my last post. I have to say thanks again to all of you who commented. One of the main reasons I love this blog is because I can be honest, write about how I really feel, and then have people validate those feelings. It's so refreshing since my hubby spends most of his time discounting my feelings.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I WOULD NEVER buy a 2-family house with ANYONE, let alone some slutty girl my hubby works with. I asked him if she suggested that as a joke and he said probably. Still, it was ironic!

He knows exactly how I feel about this woman, we've talked A LOT about it and he was doing a great job respecting my feelings. Heck, he is the one who said he didn't really want to talk to her anymore because she was FULL OF SHIT.

Until Saturday ...

Hubby and I were fighting about something stupid, I don't even remember. Oh wait, I know. I was pissed because he made a snarky comment about how I deal with our daughter. You see, he watches her on Saturdays because I work. He called me to tell me that J went pee pee on the potty. I should have known that he would use it to point out what a useless mom I am.

And I was right. Later that day, mommy tried to get J on the potty and it was a disaster. She was yelling and crying and I tried pushing, which was against my better judgement, but hubby was sitting right there making my stress level skyrocket. Needless to say, she resisted and he yelled at me for not trying hard enough.

Long story short (because he just woke up and I can't type anymore) he wound up at her house!!! I'll try to finish this out later today!!!


The Other Woman in My Marriage

It was almost 3 years ago that I met her. I was pregnant with J and my hormones were all over the place. My once bubbly personality had slowly deteriorated into that of a raving lunatic.

She works at my husband's office (I can see you rolling your eyes already!) She's a brunette with pretty hair and big knockers. My hubby and her know a lot of the same people. They have a lot in common, or so he tells me.

In the beginning, she was all he could talk about. "She likes video games," he would say. "How come you don't play video games?" "She's into comic books," he told me. He would bring her home for lunch when I was all fat and bloated. He invited her over for dinner, when I was tired and achy. He wanted me to go to the movies with her and her boyfriend. Yes, she had a boyfriend, but that didn't mean jack to me. I'm fully aware of the backstabbing that goes on between women.

Anyway, from the moment I met her, I got a funny vibe. I couldn't put my finger on it but I didn't feel comfortable with my hubby hanging out with her, boyfriend or not! She was too nice, too friendly, too interested in the same things hubby was, she was too involved.

Soon after their friendship blossomed, I gave birth. Even in the throes of post-partum depression, hubby was still asking if N could come over during their lunch break ... to see the baby. Ha!

All the while, my hubby felt it necessary to tell me how ridiculous my feelings were, that they're just friends, that she's easy to talk to. HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO ME!!

If there are any men out there reading, don't EVER say that about another woman, especially if your wife has just pushed a watermelon through a pinhole.

Anyway, eventually N and her boyfriend got engaged and I thought I would get a break. Ha! Now I was expected to do couple things with these two bumbling idiots. What's worse is hubby became very good friends with N's fiance.

I never got rid of that weird feeling. I just didn't believe the "guy's best friend" act. So I bit my tongue and I hung out every now and then. Still, hubby and I fought about her all the time. I DID NOT like that he talked to her about problems we were having. What the hell is that? Uh uh, no way! The icing on the cake? They talked about sex. She's a nymph and I'm a bore. Not his words, but it's certainly how I felt. He told me about problems N and her fiance were having. She was always the one who had to initiate and he never wanted to do it. HOLY FUCKING SHIT! Could it get any more ironic. My hubby and I are the exact opposite. I am the one turning him down because I'm tired.

So help me out here ladies. What would your gut tell you? Hubby has a wife who's not so into sex all the time. Hubby makes a friend who's a whore. Recipe for disaster!?!?!?!?! Still, hubby thinks it's no big deal. They're just friends.

When he tells me nothing has ever gone on, I believe him. There hasn't really ever been an opportunity, but I still don't want him hanging out with her. I DO NOT LIKE HER!

Fast forward to the present. I find out that she REALLY IS A WHORE. She as cheated on her now husband SEVERAL TIMES! When hubby told me the stories, all I could do was sit back and smile. I KNEW IT! And it's been with other co-workers. So don't you dare try to spin this shit that the two of you are just friends. It may be true but I AM NOT hanging out with this bitch. She's done! Don't ask me to her house, don't ask me to the movies, don't ask her here for dinner. I'm done putting up with it. She doesn't know that hubby and I know about all the cheating, so he feels like he can't just break off the friendship, especially since he's gotten close to N's hubby.

So why am I bringing this up now? Hubby told me N sent her an e-mail about a two family house for sale and she wanted to know if we were happy in our house. "She wants us to go in on the house together," he told me.


Does your husband have any female friends? What would you have done in a similar situation?


Hollywood Here I Come!

OK so I'm exaggerating just a pinch, but I think the interview went well yesterday. I'm not really supposed to talk about it since I have to sign a confidentiality agreement, but it's just between you and me, right ;)

The show is a pilot, one they are hoping to bring to America. Right now it's filmed in Britain. Think of it like "The Nanny," meets "Big Brother." There's a resident *expert* who's there to help you with your parenting struggles and hopefully, after 6 days, magically fix everything.

Listen, I'm no dummy. This is reality television, so I'm not sure we're emotional enough or even if the problem is severe enough, although I certainly believe so. Still how cool would it be to be shipped over to England for TWO WEEKS, one to sight-see and the other to deconstruct J's eating problems?

We would be living with 2 other families, all with behavioral problems like sleep issues or tantrums, what I think is normal toddler stuff.

I was soooo nervous during the interview part. It's hard to think and talk at the same time. You don't want to sound like a dummy and you also have to remember not to say anything bad about anybody else. Then we have to feed Julianna on camera and she gave her usual fight. It was so weird talking to the camera and trying not to look at the guy who was asking questions.

Now it's up to the producers, I guess, to see if our story is compelling enough and also to the psychologist/child expert thinks she can help us. So there, I've said to much already.

I'll keep you updated!


A Few Updates ...

Thanks to EVERYONE who commented on my last post. You guys all rock! No really, I mean it. I made it out of the teens!!! My first twenty something comments! Yay!

If I sounded like I was complaining I apologize. I didn't intend to make it seem like all I wanted was more, more, more. Really I was wondering what makes a post worth commenting about. Like, why do some bloggers get hundreds of posts and I only get a handful (a very respectable handful). What makes the content compelling enough to make you come out of hiding and share your two cents (your very important two cents)?

Now on to more pressing matters. I have a busy day today. I have to go in to work for a couple of hours and then jet back home to start cleaning the house. Why, you ask. Television cameras are coming to my house tonight! I can't friggin believe it and I am sooooo nervous.

I filled out an application for a new reality (I know, I know) series on TLC that is filming in LONDON. It is sort of like "The Nanny," but focuses more on kids with behavioral problems. One of the *types* of kids they were looking for was toddlers with eating problems.

If you've been reading long enough you know about J's feeding issues. Well, we've hit a wall with therapy and I am desperate for more help. So, I filled out the application, hoping, but not really thinking anything of it.

Well, they called me back and tonight they are coming here to do an on-camera interview. HOLY SHIT!

I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes. Wish me luck!

And and don't forget to tune in later this week. I'm cooking up a post about the other woman in my marriage. Oh yes people, it's going to be a bitchfest!

I Said I Would Never Do This, But ...

What's your secret to success? With your blog, I mean.

I've been part of the blogosphere for a few short months, but already I've learned some important rules.

Leave a comment, get a comment.
Be funny
Try not to judge people

I'm following the rules, so what's the problem? I whiz around the web reading and commenting, but I'm not getting any action back. Don't get me wrong, I love each and every one of you who visit me and comment, but you all gets lots of love and ... well ... I'm jealous. There I said it! I exposed myself as an insecure, whiny bitch. Dammit, my husband was right!

Do I need more buttons, gadgets, ads on my site? Should I open a Cafepress store? Does that even really work? Am I boring? Am I not controversial enough? Do you use services like Blog Explosion or Bloglines? I'm trying to get enough points, or whatever you call them, to rent a blog but I'm not there yet.

So c'mon, spill the beans. How did you get so popular? What do I need to do to pimp my blog? Help a mother out. I promise I won't steal any commenters. There's enough room in the blogospere for all of us if that's what you're afraid of. You tell me your secrets and I'll tell you mine ....

p.s. I'll still go on writing even if you don't want to share. I love having this blog. It's given me a purpose, a sense of freedom that I haven't had in a long time. Just wanted to see if there's something else I should be doing. Thanks mamas!


Oh No! I'm That Mom!

A couple of weeks ago, Kristen over at Motherhood Uncensored wrote a post about being that mom.

"And then it hit me. I am that mom. The one I hate talking to on the phone because it’s clear that I don’t have her full attention for any part of our conversation."

I read her post and laughed because I know moms like that. You call up your best friend for some moral support after a fight with your hubby and end up feeling annoyed that she was yelling at her son the entire time.

Well Kristen, I'd like my membership card now, thank you very much!

Yesterday, I was on the phone with my mother and the conversation went something like this ...

Me: "Hi mom, what's going on?"
Her: "Nothing, just got back from the store."
Me: "Oh yeah, where'd you go?"
J: "Mommy, play with me?"
Me: "Hold on sweetie, I'm on the phone with Grandma. I'll play with you in one minute."
Me: "Sorry Ma, so where'd you go?"
J: "Mommy play with me please?"
Me: "One second sweetie."
Me: "Sorry, so you were saying ..."
Her: "Nothing, I just went to Anne Taylor for some ....
J: "Mommy play with me Pleeeeeease!"
Me: (in a stern voice) "I will play with you in one minute. I am on the phone!"
Her: "Do you want to call me back?"
Me: "No, it's okay. What did you get an Ann Klein?"
Her: "No, I went to Ann ...
J: "Mommy, I want to play puzzles."
J: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Waaaaaaaaaaaa, Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Me: "Mom, Can I call you back?"

Now, I'm sure my mother has probably done the same thing. I mean, she had four kids for christ's sake. Still, it's frustrating when you're trying to have a conversation and this tiny person keeps interrupting and won't leave you alone.

I guess it's time for me to fess up and join the club.

Hello, My name is Stacy and I am That Mom!!!


Guest Post: Beginnings, Shmeginnings.

*I am participating in a blog exchange set up by the wonderful Kristen over at Motherhood Uncensored. My guest today is a great writer and super funny female. You can check out more of her stuff at Taste the World. That's where I'll be today so don't forget to come check me out!*

Ahhh, new beginnings. It sounds so charming and pure, doesn’t it? It sounds like spring and birth and music in the air. As I get older, and especially since I’ve passed the 30-year-old mark, I find myself with quite a few new beginnings in my life.

• I am beginning to find a stray gray hair now and then.
• I am beginning to use the word droopy while looking in the mirror.
• I am beginning to fill out a clothing size that makes me wimper.
• I am beginning to want more food, whereas I need it less.

Not so lovely now, is it?

My super special beginnings are forcing me to get off my ass and do something about this. Starting Monday, I’m hopping back on the Weight Watchers bandwagon and losing the 5…ok 10…well, ok, FINE!…13 pounds I gained in the last few months. These fuzzy-wuzzy-cuddly beginnings are making me start doing exercises (which I despise) again.

So what do I think about new beginnings? I think they can kiss my newly-inflated butt, thankyouverymuch.

Not that I’m bitter or anything. No, really.

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**BIO: Hi, I’m Chase! I live in Oklahoma and thrive off my three beagles. If you enjoyed this post, please visit my blog home at Taste the World. I’m always thrilled to get new visitors! I promise I won’t let the dogs jump on you. Not much, anyway.**
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This post is part of a monthly blog exchange, held on the first of every month. We all write on a topic (this month is New Beginnings) and post on another person's blog as a way to gain new readers and find new blogging friends. This month's participants include: Christina, Kristen,, TB,, Chase,, Mel,, Julie, Laurie, Mabel, and Vicki. If you would like to participate, please email Kristen at kmei at yahoo dot com.