"Can we put it in the oven frigerator?" (aka microwave)
"Daddy's penis is a banana."
"The farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell. High ho the cheerio, the farmer in the dell."
Hubby: "How do you like your new bathing suit."
Me: "I would like it better if it covered my roll."
Hubby: "Why don't you try getting rid of that roll?"
Thinking to myself: "Why don't you jump off a bridge?"