Every time I sit down to write a post on this blog I draw a blank. I had stopped for a while after giving birth to Little J and just recently started blogging again. It's been way more difficult than I imagined. I don't know what the problem is. I guess it could be sleep deprivation. Yeah, I'm tired, but I think it's more than that.
Ever since Little J was born, I've been in a state of confusion. It's not post-partum (at least I don't think it is). It's more like, I don't know what to do with myself. My days are sort of dictated by my older daughter. If she's in a good mood, then I feel like I can get a lot of stuff done. And I'm not just talking about housework. I mean stuff that I want to do, like check my e-mail, write, read a magazine, etc.
If she's not in a good mood, which seems like every day lately, I feel distracted. I'm constantly thinking about all the things I'm not getting done. Or all things I would rather be doing than playing house.
I am very conscious of it too which is why I end up feeling so guilty. I know that I'm not "living in the moment," I feel like I'm always off somewhere else, daydreaming, wishing I could get something done. I've got books I want to read, stories I want to pitch, ideas to research, websites to visit. I know it sounds so selfish, but I have a life too.
So how can I do both? How can I be more present, more "in the moment" on a daily basis with my children and still feel like I'm getting work done for myself? I've tried asking my husband for help and it works for about a day or two and then it's inconvenient. He gets annoyed that I'm on the computer and he has to entertain the children.
Night is the only time I really get for myself, but it's hard to cram everything I want to do in two hours. I want to keep my 10 o'clock bedtime because Little J is usually up at 5:00 a.m. So how can I get more done during the day? What works for you?