11.13.2007

Living in the Moment

Every time I sit down to write a post on this blog I draw a blank. I had stopped for a while after giving birth to Little J and just recently started blogging again. It's been way more difficult than I imagined. I don't know what the problem is. I guess it could be sleep deprivation. Yeah, I'm tired, but I think it's more than that.

Ever since Little J was born, I've been in a state of confusion. It's not post-partum (at least I don't think it is). It's more like, I don't know what to do with myself. My days are sort of dictated by my older daughter. If she's in a good mood, then I feel like I can get a lot of stuff done. And I'm not just talking about housework. I mean stuff that I want to do, like check my e-mail, write, read a magazine, etc.

If she's not in a good mood, which seems like every day lately, I feel distracted. I'm constantly thinking about all the things I'm not getting done. Or all things I would rather be doing than playing house.

I am very conscious of it too which is why I end up feeling so guilty. I know that I'm not "living in the moment," I feel like I'm always off somewhere else, daydreaming, wishing I could get something done. I've got books I want to read, stories I want to pitch, ideas to research, websites to visit. I know it sounds so selfish, but I have a life too.

So how can I do both? How can I be more present, more "in the moment" on a daily basis with my children and still feel like I'm getting work done for myself? I've tried asking my husband for help and it works for about a day or two and then it's inconvenient. He gets annoyed that I'm on the computer and he has to entertain the children.

Night is the only time I really get for myself, but it's hard to cram everything I want to do in two hours. I want to keep my 10 o'clock bedtime because Little J is usually up at 5:00 a.m. So how can I get more done during the day? What works for you?

2 comments:

Ms. Porter said...

I know what you are saying...I'm surprised more people haven't commented because surely others feel the same way. I've found that if the kids are bored then it's game over for me, I can't get anything accomplished so we always have a plan. The kids know what we will be doing the next day, they actually ask me now because they are used to 'the plan'...part of that includes things like, after we drop your sister off at school you will take a little nap so Mommy can do such and such. It does help...of course it's not perfect.

Mama of 2 said...

Honestly...since going back to work full time (I had been part time for 10 years) I feel as though I have lost who I am and anything that was just for me. Not to mention that my full time job as a teaching assistant at a preschool is wonderful but I take Girlie Girlie with me everyday so there isn't one minute of any day that I am not with her from morning to night. I believe that's what is really getting to me.
As for how to handle it honestly I don't have a clue. Sorry I couldn't be of more help but at lease you know you aren't alone.