More and more I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life. Little J is not so little anymore and the older she gets the more I feel like I need to start pursuing my dreams.
I've been on the fence for a while now about whether I want to continue writing. I love it, don't get me wrong, but I just haven't had a passion for it lately. My days and nights have been consumed with photography ~ stalking my favorite blogs, taking pictures of the girls, researching business opportunities, etc. I want to learn everything I can about it and I just don't feel the same way about writing right now. With that said, I also can't help my brain from coming up with ideas. Ideas for articles, blog posts, quizzes, books. I don't understand why this is happening. Things are constantly swirling around in my head, but I can't seem to push myself to pitch these ideas to a magazine or a website.
I think it's fear that keeps me from doing it. I'm stuck up in my head, dreaming about the way things could be without ever really putting myself out there to actually make them happen. I can't live like this anymore though. I don't have any direction and I hate that. The problem is I don't know where to start. A while ago I signed myself up for for a writing course. Should I cancel it? Should I give it one last shot and try to make some extra cash to pay for a new camera? Should I not think about any of this right now and focus on getting us out of debt? If that's the right answer, then what happens to my dreams? They get put on hold again. If that keeps happening, I'm afraid I'll become depressed. I'll have nothing to look forward to, nothing to strive for.
It's so hard right now with small children. I can't really do much of anything. Everything has to be done in spurts. 5 minutes - check my e-mail. 15 minutes - write a blog post. 25 minutes - fold the laundry. I can barely find time to shower in the morning. Ugh! I'm stuck! That's the only way I know how to describe my feelings right now. I wish I had a mentor or someone to tell me what to do. Exactly. In clear, easy steps. One by one. So I can check them off my list.
How did you decide to stop dreaming and actually start living? How did you know you weren't going to fail miserably and end up worse off than you were before? How did you find the time, the finances, the motivation?