I am so confused. My husband and I keep talking about when to start trying for another child, but it seems like we always have an excuse. My sister is getting married in July and I don't really want to be pregnant for that. We don't have enough money. We don't have enough room. Yada, yada, yada!
I just don't know what to do. Part of me says, screw it, none of that really matters. There's never a 'right' time to have a baby. There's always going to be an excuse for why it's better to wait. But, the longer I wait, the less and less I feel like I'm going to want one. Having a toddler is pretty cool, minus the tantrums and blatant disregard for everything I say. As she grows, so does my freedom and sense of self. Dare I say, I feel the 'old me' returning. Sounds selfish, huh?
I mean, if I really wanted another baby, would I care so much about everything else? Would I be making these excuses? Sometimes I feel like I'm giving in to peer pressure. "So when's the next one coming?" Or, "you can't have just one, who is J going to play with?" Or, "Only children are spoiled and selfish." (yes, someone actually said that to me.)
Do I really need to have another baby just so J doesn't grow up to be a spoiled brat? Can't I just raise her to be a well-adjusted, sympathetic, smart little girl?
I like our little threesome the way it is. Is that so wrong? Still, I can't help but melt every time I see a newborn smile or coo. And there are days when J is being so good, I think, "Hell yeah, I can do this." Plus, part of me wants another shot at doing things the right way. Having a child who eats Cheerios and plays in the sand.
Is it fear that's holding me captive, keeping me confused? If so, what do I do about that? Close my eyes and brave the storm? Or, listen and wait?
What made you decide to try for a second?