I'm having trouble getting a post together today. I want to write about something I read on Kristen's blog, but my daughter is not cooperating today. I put on the Heffalump movie and told her I needed to check my e-mail (wink!).
Still, I can't finish a serious thought because she keeps asking me questions ...
"Mom, what's Roo doing?"
In Kristen's post she has a really great paragraph about moms in general: "Sure, we know motherhood brings with it some level of sacrifice. But, how much is too much? When do we say, darling, YOU need to put the baby to bed? Or baby, you need to cry a little bit to get yourself back to sleep? Or, Kristen, YOU need to take a shower today. What about US?"
"Mom, what's coco (our dog) doing?"
I would love to be able to say to my hubby "honey, you need to put the baby to bed tonight," WITHOUT the attitude. In fact, I tried that just yesterday. I actually said to him ...
"Mommy, play with me please?"
Dammit, where was I? Oh, I actually said to hubby yesterday, "I need to get some stuff together for my sister's bridal shower. Can you take J to her gym class so that I can have some peace and quiet?" His response - no! Flat out refusal. He told me he would feel uncomfortable being one of the only guys. Jesus Christ!
"Mommy, play with me PLEASE!!"
So then I asked him to take her to the park, to the pet store (she loves it there), for a ride in the car, anywhere. He attempted to do so but when J said no, she wanted mommy to do it too, he gave up. "She doesn't want me," he said.
"Mom, what's Pooh doing?"
Ugh! Anyway, about the sacrificial mom. When am I going to get my turn? My turn to do things for myself so that I don't go crazy? How do I get my hubby to realize that he has to step up without automatically putting him on the defensive?
"Mommy, can I sit on your lap?"
I just want some time for myself ...
"Mom, what's that noise?"
Can't I get a damn minute to finish this post?
"Mom, look at Eeyore, what's he doing?"
Aaaah, fuck it!!
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18 comments:
I totally feel your pain!! I think all us moms do in one way or another. My hub and I had one of those run-ins a few months back where I got a refusal from him to help (long story) and it blew my mind and I was so thrown I couldn't speak to him for days. Anyway, we talked a lot about it and it came down to me really needing to express my BASIC NEED for a break sometimes. Although he still doesn't help with some of the daily duites (unless I'm not home) he stepped up his contribution in other areas which has really helped a lot. A little help goes a long way. Keep working at him (or maybe WITH him is a btter choice of words) and you'll get there. Don't let it go...it'll just keep buggin'!! And as far as her only wanting you only-well, that's just a phase, albeit an annoying one. The more time they spend together and the older she gets the more she'll want to be with him. I know where you're at and it NOT easy!!! For the record, I have been interupted 4 times by my 2 year old during my attempt at this comment alone. sheesh!
My life is a constant interruption as well, whether it be the kids or the dog.
So frustrating :)
I feel your pain and posted something very similar on my own Yahoo 360 blog. I left a link to my site -- hopefully it will work.
I will admit that my hubby will help but only if I ask he doesn't necessarily jump in on his own but any help no matter how I get it works for me.
Many days I would like to change my name to anything other than 'mom'. Keep your chin up and know you are most definitely not alone
Lisa
You can not allow this to continue. You need to set a schedule that includes time for you, and hubby needs to get out of his testosterone ladened "he-man" attitude world and wake up.
These are times you (and he) will never get back. He needs to understand that, but more importantly, he needs to understand that parenting is a tag-team effort.
There is a simple rule. Nobody is happy when mommy isn't happy. And he needs to step up so you can get some space to yourself.
I would leave a brilliant comment but my son needs a diaper change. Now.
What a tough situation -- I hope you are able to find a way to work with your husband so that you can get some needed time for yourself. It's so important, and not only for your sanity. I think kids benefit so much from being parented by both parents, not just the mom.
Of course, I fall into the same trap all the time; I feel guilty if I'm not the one doing everything, and resentful for the lack of me time that results!
You can do what I do... Say "Here" as you thrust the child at your husband and promptly walk out the door with purse and keys in hand. Its not too easy for him to say "No" to a closed door, is it? :)
lol! I can totally relate!
My husband took our girls to the park for exactly 45 minutes. That's all I got! I guess I should be greatful for every damn minute. It's the other 23 hours and 15 minutes that can be sooo tiresome.
Obviously I relate a little all too well to what you're saying.
It's probably worthwhile to see if you can fix this problem with your spouse not only for you, but also for his relationship with his daughter. Is there something that he likes to do after work? My husband loves taking walks, but at the end of the day I just want some peace, so most days when he gets home from work, he'll change, and take the kids out for a walk in the neighborhood or to the park or the beach. They have come to expect this and love it and ask for walks as soon as he walks in. He really enjoys having daddy time with them and it allows me to re-charge so I'm not such a shrew for the rest of the night.
I know what you mean about never getting a minute to yourself!
(Popped in via Mom Maam Me)
Loved your post. How true, and frank and real. My husband won't even take my son swimming "because he doesn't know the routine in the change room or he hasn't been before". Well, I know how to fix that ... go.
Wait - got to turn on an Incredibles video...lost train of thought!
I'm with Mrs. Chicky all the way.
You need to have your time alone. Everyone does. Your husband may feel he has the choice to say "no"...maybe there shouldn't be one...
I can definitely relate and you are not the only one going through this. I hope that atleast helps somewhat.
My youngest who will be 2 soon totally refuses to be anywhere without me. I cant even shower without him getting in with me. I tried going shopping last week with my sisters and the baby stayed with my mom. Well they called within 20 minutes saying that I needed to come home immediately because he wanted me and they couldn't calm him. The hubs tries to calm him but it only works sometimes.
I totally agree with jaymonster. I have learned to tell my hsuband that he needs to take a child because if I ask he will weasel out. I know he can tell the difference when I have had time to myself vs times when I go a long time with out getting out. Take charge because if you don't express your needs you will go nuts!
LOL...that sounds like me trying to write a damn post. As for your hub, maybe you should just leave and get your "me" time away from home.
All I have to say is ... EXACTLY!
LOL! Loved this post. :-)
I so feel you on this.
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