5.19.2006

Bumper Sticker Frenzy

Yesterday I was driving and saw a funny bumper sticker.

"Hang up your phone and drive asshole."

Do you know how many times I've wanted to scream that at some idiot driver who's not paying attention. But then I thought for a minute, shit sometimes that's me. Doh!

Then I wondered how many times someone has cursed me in their car. Okay so I'm swerving a little, but I've got one hand on the wheel and the other hand in the back seat fishing around for the toy my daughter dropped. So I hesitated two seconds before stepping on the gas at a green light. Don't honk your horn, I'm turned around singing "Old McDonald" to my fussy toddler. I didn't see the damn light change.

Listen, I have no patience for people when I'm on the road either so I get that you're annoyed by me, but I'm a mom, I've got a million things on my mind and a whining 3 year-old in the back seat. Maybe we need a bumper sticker for that. So here's what I came up with ...

My Kid is on the Honor Roll at Pain in the Ass Preschool
Honk if You Have Stretch Marks
My Toddler is Driving
How Well Do You Drive on 3 Hours of Sleep?
I'm a Mom, Cut Me Some Slack
Mommy and the Ferocious Beast on Board

What would your bumper sticker say?

38 comments:

rhonda said...

My sticker would say,
"Stop riding my bumper, or I will slam on the brakes and sue your crazy drivin ass!"

OOOH, the anger!

Christina_the_wench said...

"Don't make me pull this car over and whomp on your tailgating ass!"

Mama of 2 said...

Mine would be...
'I'm a mom, enough said'

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

OMGosh! you are soo funny! I have to think about this for a little bit, can't come up w/ stuff off the top.

jen said...

"I'm from Jersey...I know people...so back the f off"

It's very effective out here in the PAC NW to announce being a Jersey girl. People literally back off...in any situation...literally! ;)

Pink said...

"I'm the mommy, that's why!"

~d said...

this is an awesome post...I gotta like flip flop mamma. I cannot come up with something clever so quickly. Too funny !

Pattie said...

I drove behind a woman the other day swerving all over the road....I pulled around her and she was talking on a cell phone with a cigarette in her mouth and a map over the steering wheel! That's right...a MAP! I could not believe what I was seeing. So anyway...my bumper sticker:
"If I see you throw litter out of your car again, I will run you over with my big A$$ SUV"

Diana said...

I would borrow yours that says "how well do you drive on 3 hours sleep?"
because i'm always tired, and always seem to be on the road.

Mommy off the Record said...

LOL. I like the pain in the ass preschool one. I think you could sell those!

JayMonster said...

Mine, is already out there on the market:

My child beat up your honor student.

Karla said...

I like the 3 hours of sleep one. I want that one.

It's okay, Sweetie said...

Me like-y this entry. My bumper stickers would say the following:

1. Sorry if I'm swerving. I've got yogurt, snot, and gummy bears on the wheel.

2. Chinese fire drill! I'll take the care without the kids in it!

3. I brake for diaper changes.

4. I honk for hot dads.

5. I'm not driving with my eyes closing, I'm just imagining I'm there already.

6. F*ck me? No, f*ck YOU!

Let's patent them and make our millions.

Thanks for stopping by today. Mind if I link to you?

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

I'm seriously brain dead today. Maybe cause it's 5:30pm and I haven't had a shower!

chelle said...

HAHAHA I love your bumper stickers!!!

"Hold onto your panties I need to pass my toddler some juice!"

kim said...

"Im a woman on the edge ... I dare ya to push me!"

I loved everyone elses ... Jay's one was great but I'm afraid thats a little too close to home at our house :) And I loved #4 & #6 of Sweeties .. order me one !!

EmmaK said...

HELP! Mother of two preschoolers. Need double prozac latte NOW

Juliabohemian said...

I didn't come up with it but I would really like to put "take your time. I have all day"

I used to have a sticker that said "the more you disapprove, the more fun it is for me."

Sandra said...

I only wish I had something as funny as everyone else.....these are just hilarious LOL

BTW email me, I have a template for you to try :)

Awesome Mom said...

Mine would be "If you don't get off my tail I am only going to drive slower" I actually heard somewhere that most people think they are above average drivers. I think that is soo funny because obviously most people suck at driving, except for me of course

bitemycookie said...

oh yes, i have one:
stay-at-home-bitch on board. back off asshole.

and my favorite sticker (that a friend and i once had printed on that tow-away sticker paper that's impossible to get off, and would use when the situation warranted): park a little closer next time, asshole.

who am i to talk, tho? i am the worst driver/straight parker of all time.

Zephra said...

Wake me up when the light turns green.

Watch it! My Zoloft just ran out.

~d said...

( have you seen the Peace frog stickers that simply say: Life is Good )
I also like: Visualize Whirled Peas
mind you these are off topic and defensive rather than offensive...but, I am in a good space: RIGHT NOW.

Domestic Chicky said...

Great post! Lemme think.
"Is that your bumper up my ass or are you just happy to see me?"
"I have a toddler in MY car. What's YOUR excuse?"

Morris said...

My sticker says "Honk if you're horney"

Mr. Morris
Ask Morris

HolyMama! said...

Pass With Care, I'm Disciplining Four CHildren at the Moment.

sunshine scribe said...

This is a great post! I too love your "How Well do You Drive on 3 Hours Sleep?" too.

Nicole said...

I'm a Mother on the Edge!

MrsFortune said...

I like the ones that say "i heart" whatever. So mine would say "i heart pissing you off while driving." Or something.

Kristen said...

Mine would be the old favorites:

"PMS and a handgun. any questions?" and

"I'm not a bit**, I'm THE bit**, and thats MISS Bit** to you!" LOL

mama_tulip said...

I've always liked, "Don't like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT SHIT", but I see so many people driving with one hand while the other hand is busy diggin' for gold that I'd probably say something like that if I could make my own up. Like, "Put the booger down and drive" or something.

Mrs. Chicky said...

How about "Never get between a mother and her caffeine"? Or "Mother armed with poppy diapers and not afraid to use them".

Nancy said...

I like "I'm a mom, cut me some slack." I could definitely use that some days.

For me, a good one would be "Back off -- I haven't had my coffee yet."

Hmm, does Cafe Press let you produce bumperstickers? I see a potential market in this idea!

icancarryallthebagsandthebabiestoo said...

I LOVE, "How well do you drive on 3 hours of sleep?" I want to have that made up for my car NOW!!!!!

How about, "Limosine to the Future President of the United States of America. She's sleeping in the Back."

sweatpantsmom said...

Ha! These are great.

Mine would say, "Stop Honking. You'll Wake Me Up."

Paisley said...

That is so funny. The other day I looked over at the car beside me at the red light. It was some old dude with a HUGE white sign on his dash and with HUGE black letters it said: HANG UP AND DRIVE. I chuckled at the thought of him waving his sign at people as he drove by, probably causing more peril that the guy on the cell phone. hee hee.

thanks for visiting my blog!

Yellow Mama said...

I love the Honk if you have stretch marks. Came to you through Holy Mama.

When I had our last baby I was 46. After about 5 or 6 weeks of little to no sleep, I drug myself to the grocery store where I was face to face with a cheery checker who had the gall to ask me if I was the grandmother to this cute little boy. Yeah, well I just said NO...I'M HIS MOTHER. It got painfully quiet. I could feel myself getting red in the face, but I kept my peace. What I wanted to do was...crawl up on the checkout counter and yell..."Do you want to see my stretch marks for proof?" So...I like that one...I way way way relate!

Mama C-ta said...

I've seen that sticker too, it's great. My favorite I've seen was "use your turn signal asshole!" B/c I swear around here it's like turn signals don't exist. Everyone must thing they are the only person in the world that matters. Grrrr...