I heart you guys. I really do! I never would have guessed when I first started this blog that I would come to depend on your wisdom and support. I wish I could thank each and every one of you personally. Oh wait ... I can ...
Domesticator - I do want to stay in this marriage so I will definitely think about counseling. Hubby and I have actually talked about it before, but I always thought it would be too expensive since our insurance blows.
Rhonda - I felt those hugs and thanks so much for thinking of me.
Kristen - I definitely need at least one day to myself and that is something I am going to fight for when hubby and I do finally have this talk. I was thinking about coming up with a specific day - a day that is mine to do whatever I please. I was also thinking about coming up with a schedule (sort of like Supernanny) and assign different tasks that each of us are responsible for. For instance, on Wednesday nights, hubby gives J her bath and puts her to bed. A new routine that would split the work. What do you think?
Sunshine Scribe - thanks for the love and good wishes. You rock!
Sandra - It makes me feel a little better knowing my husband is not the only married man who still plays video games! The communication part is what's hard for my guy. He grew up listening to his father call his mother names and he treats her the same way. I'll never forget the first time I heard them fight. They hurled insults at each other like it was going out of style and I was shocked. If I EVER spoke to my parents that way, I would have been in big trouble. I should have seen the red flags the day my hubby cursed at his mom. I try to explain to him that just because "that's all he's ever known," it doesn't mean it's right.
Denise - Thanks for being my cyber-support!
Nancy - I don't take full responsibility for the state of my marriage today, but I do believe it's up to me to try and turn it around, if not for me then for my daughter. I do agree that we need to stop playing the blame game. It's been one of our biggest problems. We start fighting about one thing and then bring up old issues. Before you know it, we have no idea what the original arguement was about.
Meg, Mama M, Mrs. Chicky, and Nine Pound Dictator thanks so much for the positive words and advice.
Juliabohemian and Nicole - I will try to use 'I' statements instead of 'you' to keep hubby off the defensive. I can see how that would make him feel like I'm attacking him instead of trying to come up with a way to make things work.
And everyone else - Christina, Chelle, Mommy Does it All and Holymama! - I appreacite all of the kind words and really have come to love this new group of cyber friends.
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14 comments:
I am not sure my original comment really portrayed this, but you're doing an amazing job as a mom and working hard to keep your marriage strong. I admire that tremendously. Best wishes, and I'll be thinking of you as you continue to work on this.
Aw....you're welcome! Tons of hugs are being sent your way. :)
Yes, we all just lurve you!
The day to yourself idea sounds super!!! I try and get out of the house without kids at least a couple times a month. It really helps me from getting burnt out. Getting your husband to help more is also a good idea. My huaband gets our toddler ready for bed most nights and will cook dinner when I am just too wiped out. Both of these things make the end of the day a bit nicer.
Isn't amazing how supportive and loving the blog community is? I often times find it more so than my flesh-and-blood buddies. I am never disappointed, slighted, by or feel uncomfortable around my blogging buddies! I am not really sure what that says about the real life chicas I have chosen to surround myself with...
I am relatively new to your site and really don't know the whole story, but I am sending virtual good vibrations your way.
I only know you through your blog, but I can tell you're a strong woman who really cares for her family. I know you will put as much work as it takes into repairing any cracks in your marriage.
And yes, counseling is expensive. I second others in recommending church or community center counseling. If nothing else, look at the cost as an investment in your marriage and your future.
Well Stacy I can tell that you are an amazingly strong woman that loves her family. I have no doubt that you will put a lot of effort and work into getting your marriage back on track. I know it's hard when your husband has been raised a certain way and then you come along and almost feel like you're raising him from kid again.
That's why I say that communication has GOT to be the key. He probably doesn't know any better, like you said he grew up thinking that's the way to go about dealing with people, but I'm sure if you both work together on this you can have a magnificent marriage :)
I'm praying for you hon :)
I sometimes wonder if you are my alter ego writing from NJ.
My husband also grew up in a house that had no respect for his mother. He does however understand that is a huge problem but when we fight he tends to forget that part.
I sense that your husband will make a better dad when J is a little older. He'll bond with her like a friend.
My advice for you is to try to keep cool even if things get heated. If you feel like you are going to explode take a couple deep breaths and regroup. It is hard not to drag in unresolved issues but that will never solve the current ones. Stick with one topic at a time.
I know we've never really met but I feel like you are a woman with alot of strength and compassion and you'll get through this. And look at this cheering squad behind you.
If he'll go for it your supernanny schedule is a great idea.
Hang in there. We are all pulling for ya :)
Glad to hear you are going to try to work things out.
I wish you the best!
I think a day to yourself is essential. Ever since our oldest was born ten years ago, my husband and I have had a routine where we each get one 'free' night a week. He usually gets together with his bandmates and jams, and I go out to dinner or to the movies with friends or just hit the bookstore and coffee shop alone. It is an amazing, refreshing break in the hectic week.
(And I know I thanked you via email, but I wanted to post my offical 'Gracias' here for nominating me for the Perfect Post Award.
I am honored!
Sorry it took me so long to post the announcement and link on my blog. This damn work thing - just keeps cutting into my personal life.)
I missed a lot of this. Blogger has been really hard for me to comment on the past 24 hours. Regardless, I think you are smart to formulate a plan and go at it like any other problem. best of luck and a big old {{hug}}}
I read your post the other day in the Dr office, and had a great post all ready, and I had the same problem Izzy did- damn blogger wouldn't let me post! Now that it seems more co-operative today, I will just say it sounds like you are on the right track and I wish you all the happiness and peace you deserve.
i love how you sound - so much more relaxed, like this is 'doable.' and it is!!
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