5.24.2006

My Salvation ... I Think

In a few short weeks it will be one whole year since we moved into this house. I've met most of my neighbors and they are all very nice, but they pretty much keep to themselves. There are a few kids on the block but no one around J's age.

And then there's Jessie. She is right next door, to the left. Our houses are so close that she can see into my kitchen window when she's sitting on her deck. I know when she's coming and going because I can hear her car door shut. I can sometimes hear her baby crying if she has the windows open. She was pregnant when we moved in and now Natalie is almost 6 months old.

Jessie is the perfect neighbor. She's lived in this town all of her life. She knows everyone. Her father is the fire chief. She really should run for mayor.

She has a bubbly personality. The type that draws people in. She's fun and easy going and she's already offered to watch J whenever hubby and I want to go out to dinner.

I feel selfish in saying that I'm glad she's not moving (she has her house on the market, had a full price offer, and then backed out). I haven't known her very long but I think we could be really good friends. The kind of friend that brings over a bottle of wine after the kids are in bed. The kind that wants to take walks with the kids and says come on over whenever you want. The kind that invites you to get a pedicure and then pays for you.

That's what I did last night. She wisked me off to a nail salon and I had my piggies painted. Hot pink! The last time I had a pedicure was probably more than a year ago. I just don't do things like that for myself. I want to, but I just don't. There's never time, there's never money, there's never anyone to watch J.

We talked the whole time about giving birth, about her boyfriend (she is divorced and got knocked up by some guy who now rents the house next door - tricky sitch), about her post-partum depression, and what it's like to be a single mom. I bitched about my husband (what else is knew) and about wanting another baby.

It was so nice to sit back, relax and just chat. I don't have many girlfriends and the ones I do have kids and are busy. Plus, they just don't make the effort anymore. This sounds silly to say but I was kinda hoping that Jessie will fill that void. The part of me that feels lost and lonely. I have my mom and my sister but they both live far away. I don't have anyone here, close to me, that will say things like, "get a sitter, we're going to the movies," or "I love my baby, but sometimes it really sucks being a mom." Am I expecting too much? I guess I should just play it by ear.

Making new friends is so hard. I don't want to overstep my bounds and scare her off, but I could really use a gal pal right now. Have you made any new friends since becoming a mom? Are there are rules I should be aware of?

19 comments:

Zephra said...

I hit the wrong button and ended up posting my comments on the wrong post. I must be out of it today. Anyway I was saying that I have been feeling like you lately. I feel the need to have more "real" friends around me but can't seem to find anyone who had time or that I like. Just take it slow and I hope the friendship works out for you. Best of luck.

sunshine scribe said...

She does sound like a good friend to have and I am happy for you. I think the only rule is to be yourself and enjoy it.

I am jealous of your hot pink piggies :)

Christina_the_wench said...

I'm jealous. I've been in my house a little over a year and have made no close friends like this Jessie. She sounds like she wants to be a good friend and neighbor. Go with it!

Pink said...

Cherish the time you have together. I live about 2.5 hrs away from my best friend and don't get to see her as much as I would like.

Mrs. Chicky said...

She sounds like the ideal neighbor. I'm jealous! Enjoy your friendship with her, that's the only advice I have.

rhonda said...

No rules, spend time, laugh, and have fun :)

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

I wish we lived close to each other! I'm always the one making plans with others. I'm like you, I need friends to hang out with! I do nothing all day long. I've made a semi-friendship with a girl who's baby is one month younger than mine, but she's 18! I'm 27! Ugh.

Nancy said...

I have just recently become good friends with the mom of my older daughter's best friend. I think the only rule is to spend time together and enjoy. What my friend and I like to do is set up dinner dates every couple of weeks -- the girls play, we talk and eat and drink.

chelle said...

I so get where you are coming from! I am so shy with potential women friends. I always feel like I am hitting on them...

"Ummm Hi.. (looks down at toes) Would you un er like to go on a er (gulp) play date with me??"

I so do not have any advise...Just know you are not alone!

Nicole said...

I'm glad you found someone with potential. I've made two good friends since having kids and it's a lifesaver. We help each other out with the kids, we go out sometimes, even the husbands get along. My advice is don't be afraid to initiate because she probably wants to do something as much as you do.

I'm pretty shy with new people and it took me at least 2 years to feel more comfortable with the gals I've made friends with.

Good luck!

Pattie said...

Ok...my advice is this...if it feels right, then pursue the friendship. Life is too shortif you feel she is someone you connect with,,the kind of person you can hang out with and drink wine with...commiserate with...bond with..what do you have to lose by exploring the relationship? She could be your new best friend!

Pattie said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lena said...

This is so common. Also scary and great.

Having your closest friend also be your neighbor can be devastating if you ever have a disagreement, so be sure to keep some aspects of your lives separate.

Also, NEVER EVER call her kid ugly. ;)

Mama of 2 said...

I guess I will have to be the downer here. I had a neighbor like you are describing and while the friendship was good that was great but the minute we didn't see eye to eye on one subject or another it got sticky. Very sticky.

Mind you I am of the mind set that it's okay to agree to disagree and know that said subject is one that you should avoid. In my 36 years of life I have decided that's it's better not to argue when you know that your aren't going to change your mind anymore than the person whose mind you are trying to change.

But that wasn't the case with said neighbor and while we still talk on occasion it's strained and awkward. So my advice is like that of the pp tread lightly and don't offer all of yourself until you are absolutely sure you have found a soul sister in your neighbor.

Courtney said...

Oh, I totally get where you're coming from. I met some really great friends through my moms' club after my daughter was born, but no one who lives within walking distance of my new house. I would love to have a nearby friend who could walk over to my house with her kid(s) for coffee or in the evening for a drink. My parents had that with their best friends and it's something that I really hoped for when we moved into our new neighborhood.

Your neighbor sounds like she's got the potential to be a good friend. I hope it works out for you!

Juliabohemian said...

Maybe God knew it was time for her stay put.

grayelephant said...

i think it's great. you should just throw all rules (if there are any) out the window and just become friends. no one can ever have too many friends.

i don't think you need to be cautious. i think we are all a little jaded after living life and getting hurt by people we trusted, but what is life if you don't just live it fully without being afraid all the time? if things don't go as you wanted, then at least you tried and didn't hold back. just my 2 cents. have fun!

~d said...

*I find I am closet with women who 'parent' similar to me.*
Be well, and enjoy yourself! (going to paint my piggies!)

Christina said...

I haven't really made any mom friends in my neighborhood. There are a few with kids close in age, but they live way down the street, and we never get more than the awkward "hi" out in passing.

The only mom friends I've managed to make since Cordy are online ones. Not many of my old friends are having kids, so I don't have that connection with them.

But how nice for you to have a mom friend like that next doo! I hope she can fill that void for you. My best mom friend is 2 hours away, but we still try to talk often.