7.19.2006

The News is Out

I've started telling people about our new baby on board. The way I see it is, if something bad was going to happen then the people who are closest to me would know about it anyway. I'm not a superstitious person so I don't think sharing the news will jinx this pregnancy. I'm pretty much an open book anyway, as you can tell from this blog.

I will tell you, dear Internet friends, that I am a little preoccupied. I have been feeling crampy all week. Mostly it's like period cramps, nothing really painful, but it has been consistent. I try to tell myself that it could just be things moving around, stretching out, getting ready for a baby, but there is still a part of me that is worried.

Things are different this time around. I am a lot more active. I have a part-time job that is pretty physical and I'm also chasing after a 3 year-old all day. Maybe feeling crampy is just par for the course.

I'm not spotting and I have no other symptoms, but I have had a miscarriage before. Before J was born, I got pregnant really quickly and really easily. Hubby and I said "okay, let's try," and that was it. We were pregnant the first time. I told everyone right away and they were all excited.

Afew days later, hubby and I went down the shore with some friends. They knew I was pregnant, but didn't really seem to care because they all smoked (some cigarettes, some pot) and drank and had a grand old time. I just walked away whenever anyone lit up. I'm not the type of person who would get all pissy and forsake someone a good time. I just stayed far away.

A day or two into our vacation, we recieved some horrible news. One of the guys we were with got a phone call that his sister passed away. She was only 23 years-old. She drowned in the town pool. Apparently she had a seizure in the water. The worst part is that no one noticed and she was at the bottom of the pool for a few minutes before anyone saw her. Shocking, I know. There is a lawsuit pending.

Anyway, we were all shocked. We frantically started packing everything up. Hauling suitcases and lugging beach bags back into the car. Cleaning the house and taking the garbage to the curb. We drove all the way home and the next morning, I started bleeding.

Maybe it was the stress of the situation, maybe it was just meant to be, but it was bad timing to say the least. I went to the doctor and he confirmed my fears. I was devastated. I bled for a few days and then that was it. No more baby. It felt so weird to mourn someone I had never met, but it was even worse to attend a real live funeral in the process.

Because I had told everyone early on, news spread quickly. At the funeral my friends kept congratulating me. At one point, it became too unbearable and I lost my cool. I stepped outside and started bawling. How convenient to be at a funeral. No one questioned my tears. I didn't want to add to anyone's grief so I stayed quiet.

I'm trying to remember how I felt the first time. Whether I was crampy then, too. I know I probably shouldn't compare, but I can't help it. My mother wants me to call the doctor, but I already have an appt. next week. I'm just going to wait it out. If it's meant to be, then things will turn out just fine. Besides, part of me wants to be oblivious if things don't work out because my sister is getting married and I don't want to be sad for her big day.

Since so many of you have said you've miscarried before, would you mind sharing some of how you felt? If it's too personal, I totally understand. And maybe this isn't the right thing to do because I'm just going to worry more, but maybe it will comfort me too. Thanks ladies!

27 comments:

Damselfly said...

Wow, that's a lot to go through.

It would be good to see or at least call your doctor, if only for your peace of mind.

Thinking good thoughts for you!

Meg said...

I know you're wanting to wait until your appointment, but you should at least call. If something is going wrong, there might be something you could do at this point. But I'm going to believe that nothing is wrong with you...maybe it's a boy and he's just being a pain early on!

Jaelithe said...

I think if you are experiencing physical discomfort that worries you, I think you should try to cut back on some of your activities. Having a 2-year-old myself, and having worked a very physical job during my pregnancy with him, I know that there are many activities you simply cannot avoid. But, is it possible that you could get your husband to do the housework and chase the kid around once he gets home while you just sit and rest for a couple of hours? I mean, if he wants this baby, too, and you've miscarried before, I imagine he would want to do what he could to help make sure this pregnancy makes it.

Christina said...

You might call the doctor, just for a little reassurance. But I also had cramping early in my pregnancy, and it was nothing.

In those first few weeks the embryo is implanting into the side of your uterus, which can result in a little bit of cramping pain and even a little bleeding in some women.

If you're worried, try cutting back on your activities a little and making sure to drink plenty of water.

Mama of 2 said...

I had some spotting when I was pregnant with Girlie Girlie...nothing that was super heavy but it still freaked me out none the less. A call to my doctor did me a wonder of good and she was wonderful having me come in the following morning (the spotting happened on a Sunday) and she did an ultrasound just for us to be sure all was well.

I vote for calling the doctor just for piece of mind.

mamatulip said...

I agree that, although it's easier said than done, you should try to ease up on things as much as you can. And drinking water, especially in this heat, is probably one of the best things you can do for your body right now.

I don't remember cramping when I miscarried. I knew that I was going to miscarry and just waited to see the blood. A few days after I'd started spotting/bleeding I did get cramps, but they were very painful and not like period cramps at all. I immediately could tell the difference between them and regular, everyday period cramps.

If you're worried at all, I think you should call your doctor and see if you can get in earlier. After I miscarried I got pregnant with Julia and freaked out when I started spotting at about 11 weeks along. I ended up going to the ER where it was confirmed through an ultra sound that I was indeed pregnant with a healthy jumping bean and that what I experienced was probably implantation bleeding. It was a huge weight off of my mind.

Better to be safe than sorry.

Anonymous said...

I've had two successful pregnancies and one miscarriage at 9 weeks. My first pregnancy I was completely fine, no cramping and no spotting. The second I started cramping and spotting at about 6 weeks. My final pregnancy I had cramping and spotting for the entire pregnancy...the cramping at times was fairly severe. My beta levels (basic pregnancy test) were so low for 13 weeks that the doctors said there was no hope, even the ultrasound showed the baby wasn't developing as he/she should. Well, guess what? The baby did develop normally and all is well-she's a very determined little one year old girl! All of the doctors who saw me through my pregnancies (I had severe hyperemisis and saw my doctors weekly...yeah I know it sounds nuts) said that cramping is very very normal in pregnancy. At least I experienced one "normal" part of pregnancy. Unfortunately, as you already know there is nothing the doctors can do to stop a miscarriage and they believe there is little a woman can do in the early stages (ie resting isn't likely to help) but for your own sake, try to take it easy as best you can. Just enjoy the excitement and try try try not to worry-I know easier said than done. You have an exciting weekend ahead of you and you deserve to enjoy. I agree about telling people, I told everyone the news right away with all three and I never regretted it. I believe that there were three little babies worth celebrating and we did...I was (and still am) very very sad that we lost one of them but at least I let people know of his/her existance and importance to my husband and I. I will forever feel like something is missing (maybe not the best word) but I do feel some type of void in my life...a little spot that feels sad sometimes for the baby I never knew. Good luck.

Mother said...

I have had two miscarriages.

The first was a "missed abortion" at 7 weeks. I had no symptoms at all - everything went away - but since I thought I was almost done the first tri, it didn't clue me in.

No cramps/bleeding or anything until after my dr visit and I actually miscarried.

2nd time was too early (5 weeks) - I had no pg symps and no m/c symps either.

I suggest taking it easy and have your dr draw your hcg levels to see if they are doubling. It will help ease your mind.

Neurotic Mom said...

I've had implantation cramping which felt like a period cramp but no bleeding. I've also had miscarriages but that cramping was a lot more intense.

Izzy said...

I had cramps and spotting with my first and second pregnancies (the first was a m/c). With my third pregnancy I had cramps but no spotting.

(And just so you know, stress and physicial activity are not considered likely causes of a miscarriage. It's almost always a problem with the development of the embryo.)

Congratulations!!!

:)

Nicole said...

I had a miscarriage with the first pregnancy. There was no cramping as a warning (that I remember). I just started bleeding. It was so horrible because it was Thanksgiving weekend and I didn't know what to do. Nobody knew we were pregnant, so I called my mom. She tried to reassure me, but, on Monday, I headed to the doctors. It was terrible.

I did spot a little with my daughter (which after a miscarriage a few months before FREAKED me out). Again, I don't remember any cramping.

I do have to say I think some cramping is normal in the beginning. I know a lot of my friends who had cramping and, therefore there period was due any time and didn't think they were even pregnant. I remember some with my son. So, I'm not sure it's a sign of anything.

You may just want to call the doctor. It's always nice to hear there's nothing to worry about from a doctor.

Sandra said...

I had two miscarriages and with the first one, I was spotting a bit, but not bright red blood and the doctor said it's ok, sometimes that happens. Within a few days I remember being up all night because my whole body hurt and I was cramping. Went to the doctor, and that was it, I was having a miscarriage. I bled for about 2 weeks and then that was it. With my second one, it was very different.

I was feeling fine, and then one day sat down on the couch and felt a bit wet, when I went to the bathroom to check, I had a spot of bright red blood. Went to the doctor and they did an internal exam and said my cervix was closed which was a good sign, BUT my HCG levels were not going up. I didn't bleed with my second miscarriage.

I think you have every right to be feeling scared and apprehensive after having a miscarriage. I remember when I got pregnant with my son, my doctors called it high risk because of the previous miscarriages, I had my blood drawn EVERY week to make sure my levels were going up, I had tons of ultrasounds and I was not allowed to do pretty much anything....I also had spotting throughout the pregnancy, if I mopped I spotted, if we had sex, I spotted....it was scary, but everything turned out fine :)

Hang in there, and don't worry until you speak to the doctor and find out exactly what is going on.
Remember a lot of us have been through it and my heart is breaking just knowing that you're having to go through this scary phase for the next 9 months.
Huge hugs,
Sandra

Mommytojacknjas said...

aww hunny big huggies im sorry about your earlier loss! if you feel something mite be happening i would see sooner but i know you wanna wait till ur appt u alreayud have or at least maybe call and ask!?!
well hugs prayers

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

With my first pregnancy, I felt nothing the whole time, but with this last one I felt cramping alot. It's pretty common with 2nd and later pregnancies to actually feel your uterus (how sad that I don't know how to spell that) grow. When it streches and expands you can feel it pulling. Sometimes it feels like cramping. I'll be praying for you that everything is alright.

carrie said...

I agree with everyone else, call the Dr. to ease your mind! But, I am sure that all is well! Take it easy though, every pregnant woman should sit down and take it easy, especially in the godforsaken heat that seems to be EVERYWHERE this month!

sunshine scribe said...

If you could find time to see the doctor that would be good because everyone's body is different. Some women cramp in healthy pregnancies and others during or after a miscarriage. I am sending all my good vibes to you that everything is okay and that this little baby is just letting you know that they are there. Take care ... and like Mama Tulips said, drink lots o water.

adwina-insparenting said...

oh dear... just like everybody else here, go to your doctor. better do that than feel sorry later. hope everything goes well, Stacy.. *hugs*

adwina

icancarryallthebagsandthebabiestoo said...

I have always thought that miscarriages were so tragic for exactly that reason. There is no funeral to attend, yet you are still mourning the loss of a child who you bonded with and loved.

Someone very wise recently told me, "it's the littlest ghosts who do the most haunting."

In my first pregnancy, I didn't feel anything, but in my second, I felt so much more because you are stretching and moving faster and easier. Because you have already had a miscarriage, you are certainly more sensitive to this sensation and are probably noticing it even more than I am.

Go to your dr. and have them monitor your babies heart beat to put your mind at ease. That's what I would do. That's what they are there for.

Please keep us updated.

Also, I wanted to mention that I am also in NJ. I'm in Washington (Warren County, right outside of Hackettstown) and if you need any help at all, just give me a (mama)Holler. I couldn't be too far away.

Pink said...

With my miscarrage I never felt anything. I never had cramps or bleeding. In fact I was growing normally. I was four mounths along and a belly buldge was starting to show. At my normal Dr. appointment the nurse could not find a heartbeat and went to get the doctor....he never found one either. They did an ultrasound and said that I was pregnant, but that there was no baby. The pregnancy was progressing fine and I would probably carry for the full nine months and deliver "nothing" if I didn't have a DandC. We scheduled the surgery for two weeks later.

About a month after that we got pregnant with our son. Fears were high and I insisted on having an ultrasound at just 4 weeks and then at every appointment I wanted to hear the heartbeat. This pregnancy went just fine and son was very healthy.

Mrs. Chicky said...

I have no advice for you except take it easy. Especially with the stress of your sister's wedding, don't forget to take care of yourself this weekend.

Pendullum said...

Just take it easy...
I would go by your instincts.
Take your time with everything and have someone carry your toddler if your toddler needs carrying...
No heavy lifting...
Take care of yourself and I anxiously await your posting after your doctor's appointment...

Mama of 2 said...

I tried to post this yesterday...but Blogger wasn't liking me all that much. So here I am keeping my fingers crossed today.

I hope you are feeling better today. I know when I was early into my pregnancy with Girlie Girlie I spotted a bit. It was very very scary. Luckily it wasn't anymore than overdoing it trying to get all the Christmas decorations hung up.

I will have to say that calling the doctor did put my mind at ease. She told me to come in early Monday morning (spotting happened on a Sunday) and she did an ultrasound just for us to be sure that all was right with the little one.

So if you are still feeling out of sorts I would put a call into your doctor putting your mind at ease is worth its weight in gold.

Good Luck and keep us all informed.

Nicole said...

Just wanted to let you know that in between your sister's wedding and your worrying, I tagged you. Sorry!

SugarMama said...

I've had 2 succesful pregnancies and they are both very crampy. So I still consider cramps as a good sign. As far as my 2 miscarriages, I honestly don't remeber being soo carmpy, but I do remember lots of bleeding. My first miscarriage my body went through like a labor-like feeling, then the whole thing came out (bag and all) so there wasn't any need for D&C. 2nd one I had a D&C.

Good Luck Hon. I am so looking forward to our pregnancies. BTW- how afr along are you?

Missi said...

I had cramping with my good pg's. Like a period. I also had the stretchy, pulling pains. Now, this did not lessen my fears. I had 4 m/c's too. So, every twing I was terrifed, as I am sure you are. I had a great dr the last time who brought me in when I was fretful and gave me u/s each time.

My m/c always had bleeding. Now, good pg can also have bleeding (my last one did and it was fine). It was also very hard, very strong cramps, like labor cramps.

If you have any doubts, call your dr. They can put your mind at ease and since you have had a previous m/c, they take it more serious.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Also, if you are crampy, you could be dehydrating. Drink lots of water and put your feet up!!!!

SaraS-P said...

I had a miscarriage while in an unfamilar city and state for a training for work. My ob had said go ahead and travel, even though I had started spotting. My spotting got heavier, and an ultrasound in the emergency room revealed that my gestational sac was empty. My body had produced great support structures, but no actual embryo.

The pg started with heavy cramping (strong enough to jolt me from sleep), and I always wonder if that was an early sign. But my ob said it wasn't anything to worry about, and I know many women who cramped during healthy pgs. I do still get very angry that I made it 10 weeks with nothing but, "Everything is fine," from my doc and it was certainly not fine. I never got an u/s (despite asking for one) until the m/c had already started. If you are ever concerned, I say demand whatever tests are available. Expecting women deserve piece of mind.

That is such a rough situation, having m/c coincide with a funeral. I am so sorry you had to experience that.

Congratulations on being pg again! I hope for the best for you!

Mel said...

I'm just going to say 'congratulations,' and leave it at that... I've not had a miscarriage, so I can't speak to that issue.
But I am inclined to hope for the best for you, so I'm sticking with congratulations.