Is anyone out there?
I know, I know I've been away for a while. Okay, so maybe it's been more that just a little while. I wish I had a better excuse, but I just haven't had the time or the motivation to write.
Before I go any further, I want to thank those of you who e-mailed or commented to check in with me. It means so much to know that you were thinking of me. I figured I owed it to you to give you an update.
It's probably not the best time to be writing. I had a bad mommy day today. J is just driving me crazy lately. Pushing my buttons with all her might, testing me at every turn. If I say black, she SCREAMS white. It's been a struggle to say the least.
Anyway, I wish I could say I'm enjoying my pregnancy but I just feel so stressed all the time. I'm 16 weeks now. Physically, I feel better. No more nausea. I have some of my energy back. In a few short weeks, I'm going for a level 2 ultrasound and we are going to find out the sex! I'm so excited although I'm pretty sure it's going to be another girl.
Emotionally, I am all over the place. One day I'm up and the next I'm down. I'm working a lot and I'm babysitting for my sister-in-law and I think it's all so overwhelming. Throw in a tempermental toddler and most days I just want to disappear.
I feel guilty and ashamed because I'm not even thinking about this new baby. There are days I even forget that I am pregnant or wish that I wasn't. I'm terrified of how difficult it's going to be, how J is going to react, how my husband is (or is not) going to step up.
Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm having a bad day. A poor me, my life is so difficult, wah, wah, wah kind of day.
I hope all is well with you and I hope to talk to again soon!!!!