1.16.2008

Silent

Nothing was said. He got home late. I went to bed. We woke up and went on with the day like nothing had happened. And in the scheme of things, nothing really did. There was a misunderstanding. It happens all the time.

Still, I obsessed over what I was going to tell him. He needs an explanation, so he knows it's not his fault. He deserves to hear the truth. Problem is, I'm not sure what the truth is. I love him. With all my heart. I'm attracted to him, when the moment is right. Does that sound horrible? If it does, I can't help it. I can't turn my emotions on and off (although it sounds like a really nifty trick). I can't go from calling each other names to wanting to have sex. I'm not saying that's how it is, but you get the picture.

Part of me doesn't really want to know the truth. What if it is that I'm not really interested? In sex? With anyone? Could it be that my sex drive is non-existent? Is there something deeper? Am I really just tired?

I'd like to think so because then at least that means things could get better, like he said. When we've talked about this before, I've told him I'm not sure what the problem is. He doesn't buy it. He's a guy though. He needs a reason. I wish I could give him one.

What should I do? How can I make it better?

6 comments:

Meg said...

I've never understood make-up sex. Like you, I can't go from fighting to feeling like having sex. I just want to go to bed and nurse my wounds from the fight.

I'm sure you haven't lost your sex drive, your just a tired mother of 2 kiddos.

Mel said...

I've been right where you are. Right where you are, down to the feelings of confusion about why my libido wouldn't cooperate with me.
I wanted to want to have sex with my husband, but the whole thing just seemed like a hassle, another mess, another tiring task.
After a while, that feeling finally went away and my desire came back.
And while it was difficult to do, I just feigned interest in sex until my interest in sex came back.
I'm not suggesting that you do so, but I can tell you from my experience that it helped my relationship.

Cathy said...

I just left a comment on the post below this one...

I keep thinking things will get better as they get older. *sigh*

Arizaphale said...

Its a tough one. Sometimes men seem to think sex is a way of communicating. For them its the connection we crave through discussing things.....they don't discuss......but if we have sex...it must be all ok. I think you need to be open and honest about the things that are getting you down. What gets in the way of your 'head' when he wants to have sex? For me sometimes...its all the things I still have to get done around the house.....hard to feel desire when you're thinking about the washing..........

Stacy said...

I will ditto what Arizaphale said. Men don't like to discuss things, really. They just really like sex, so much more than us women do. I don't know why that is, but it is nature I guess. I don't have much energy for it either but know that at times I need to do it for our relationship. Even those most of the time I'd rather be sleeping. ;) I think we try to find a happy medium that both of us can live with. You are not alone. I think most women go through this stage, and especially if you resent your hubby, it is really hard to get in the mood.

carrie said...

I've been there too.

It does get better. I don't know if it's because we strike a balance, realizing what each other needs, or that it's a compromise. I don't know.

A good book is "The Five Love Languages," which is a bit on the preachy side, but we aren't religious and I just ignored that part of it. The premis of the book is that everyone has a different way that they show affection and receive love. Once you figure out what your individual "types" are, you can communicate better with eachother about it. I'm not one to go crazy over the newest self-help book or jump on ANY sort of bandwagon, but this book was useful for us, and it did help us talk about what we needed to talk about. I hope you know what I mean.

Hang in there.