My Love of Pictures

I wish I could say that I've always dreamed of being a photographer. Up until a few months ago I considered myself a writer.

But after I gave birth to Little J, I didn't feel like writing anymore. It was beginning to feel like a chore. I needed to break out of my rut. I wanted to find something fulfilling. I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

I've always taken pictures. Peak inside my house and you'll see dozens of albums and hundreds of loose pictures stuffed in shoe boxes. For whatever reason, I never thought of it as a career. The possibility never dawned on me.

Then, after rummaging through a pile of pictures I had taken in high school one day, I found what I was looking for. Sitting there, with photos scattered all around me, I saw the future.

Growing up I would take my stuffed animals, set them up on my bed, and create scenes with props and everything. On this day, I found a picture of a doll that was made for me by my father's mother. I sat her up on my bed and used a sheet to create a backdrop. I positioned a pile of books next to her and snapped away.

I did stuff like that a lot. I would take self-portraits, pictures of everyday things around the house, flowers, anything. Back then I had no idea about composition or lighting. I just knew that those things interested me. I could look at something ordinary and say, "That would make a beautiful picture."

After Little J got a little older, I decided to take the leap. With absolutely no experience, I went to a portrait studio in the local mall and applied to be a photographer. I felt like such a phoney, like I had no right to be there. I was afraid too. What if I mess up? What if they don't like my style? What if they figure out I have no clue what I'm doing?

It was so scary to jump into something completely different than what I was used to, but the payoff has been amazing. I was so out of my element; I still feel like I am, but I've learned so much and I can't wait to continue my journey. I feel like I've finally found my calling and it was always right there in front of me. It's so weird how things work out. I'm excited about the months ahead.