I've been waiting and waiting for it. I knew eventually I'd say something that would piss people off. Leave it to Kelly Ripa to put me in the dog house.
In this post, I called Mrs. Morning Sunshine a moron because she was quoted as saying the first year of marriage is the hardest and everything after that is fine. Perhaps moron was too harsh. Perhaps I should have prefaced everything I wrote with, "In my opinion," or "In my experience." But you know what, this is my blog and I'll say what I want.
Anonymous (because who would actually give their name when disagreeing with a total stranger) had this to say about my post.
Kelly Rippa is an morton because she implied that marriage is hardest in the first year and gets better afterwards? That's a moronic thing to say not to consider deeper into what she said.
I've been married 9 1/2 years and have a toddler. My marriage was hardest in the first year because 1) my husband and I didn't quite know how to handle each other's moods 2) it was the first time we lived together so there are a lot of adjustments 3) he just graduated from college and I was still in school 3) financial hardship since we now have each others debts 4) financial reconstruction: we had to reorganize, prioritize and put into action a lot of plans 5) we didn't have a house yet so we had to make do with a small apartment 6) we had to move across state so that was stressful 7) when we argued, my husband had to deal with how I deal with things and I had to deal with his 8) a lot of words hurt since we haven't quite forged a trust that each of us mean well 9) there was a lot of trial and error when it comes to resolving problems 10) just basic stress in putting 2 different people in 1 place, life, home.
My husband and I chose to seek marriage counseling during the first year but that was it. After that things were much better. Year after year, I have us asses the past and we always came to the same conclusion... every year is better than before. After being married 8 years, we finally decided to have a child and though things became different, I can still say that our marriage still keeps getting better and better year to year.
Divorce rate is 50% and it's highest during the first year, and it decreases year after year until finally the rate becomes it's lowest after 5 years of marriage.
For a marriage to get harder as years go by, well you're heading in the wrong direction. Instead of calling such a statement from Mrs. Rippa moronic, I suggest taking notes.
Once you get past the awful spelling and grammatical mistakes, I think Anonymous might have a point. I'd like to think of myself as a fair person so instead of writing her off, I'd like to take her opinion into consideration.
Marriage probably should get better year after year, you're right. I never said mine was getting worse though. I said we have good days and bad weeks, just like any other marriage.
Let's explore your marriage a little further shall we? You listed a buttload of issues your hubby and you struggled with in the first year. Am I to assume that EVERY SINGLE ONE of those issues has been resolved all neat and tidy in 365 days? Also, with children comes change. Just as you had to adjust to getting to know your new life partner, you had to adjust to a new baby who needed you 24/7. You can't tell me that doesn't put some strain on a marriage.
If your husband is the kind of guy who pitched in and pulled his weight, kudos to you. I didn't have that experience. I still love my husband but I don't always like him very much. To imply that making it past the first year of marriage guarantees some sort of trouble free pass is a crock of shit.
Every relationship has their ups and downs. You do your best to work through the rough patches and hopefully come out on top. My hubby and I have been on a bumpy road but it definitely doesn't get worse every year. If it did, I'd be out the door already. At the very least we learn more about each other as time goes by. I know marriage is hard work and I've never been one to just give up.
I don't need to take notes from Kelly Ripa. I am learning as I go. I'll fight the good fight for the sake of my daughter and the family we've created. I'll keep on soul searching until I find what's missing in me, what I need to feel fulfilled. I appreciate your comments but let's just agree to disagree. Mmmmkay!