Me and My Girl

What a beautiful day we had, me and you. I'm so glad we got to sit in the grass and read stories together. I'm even more glad I brought my camera. I love this picture of us ~ you in my lap all snuggled and warm, the sun shining at our backs. Right now, in this moment, I'm as happy as I've ever been!

Moving Violation

You might have guessed by looking at the pictures below that we had a fabulous sun drenched Memorial Day weekend. Well, you'd only be half right.

Most of the weekend was good ~ for everyone except me. I worked both Saturday and Sunday and I was looking forward to a nice relaxing day yesterday. That's not at all what I got. It started out incredible. The weather was gorgeous! While the baby napped in the moring, I sat out in the sun. It was so nice to sit there and feel the warmth of the sun all over my body. Julianna and Daddy were fishing so it was quiet for about 30 minutes. Then, the baby woke up and it was time to get ready for a barbecue at my sister-in-laws house.

When we got there, Julianna was acting like a brat, talking back to me (we've been having a lot of issues with this lately). No one had arrived yet so her eventual temper tantrum fell on deaf ears. I simply warned her that speaking rudely to me is unacceptable and that if it happened again, I would take her home.

Her cousins came soon after and then everyone hopped in the pool. Julianna brought an Ariel pool toy that she got at Target earlier in the day and of course, all the kids wanted to play with it. I thought she was doing quite well sharing, especially since it was a brand new toy. I saw a bunch of her cousins playing with it.

The day was rolling along just fine. I spent most of my time chasing after the baby. Boy is that exhausting!! Anyway, it was getting late and I mentioned to Julianna that we were going to leave soon. I was sitting at a table not too far from the pool when I saw her and her cousin arguing. I don't know exactly what happened but her cousin had the Ariel toy and Julianna wanted it back. I went over to find out what was going on and Julianna's mood was escalating. She was whining and being rude so I told her to let Mia (her cousin) play with the toy for a few minutes please and then she would give it back. At this point, Mia's mom (another SIL) came over to see what was going on and made a comment about Julianna not knowing how to share. I let it slide over my head because I could see that Julianna was getting more upset. She started talking back to me and I had enough.

I pulled her out of the pool and she had a fit. I'm not talking about your everyday temper tantrum. Yes there was yelling an screaming and kicking and crying, but there have been a few times when I look at her and wonder whether there is something very wrong with her. Her voice deepens, she gets truly angry and starts yelling as loud as she can. She will flair her arms, kick her legs, throw things, etc. So I had my husband carry her to the car and put her in the backseat. I got in the car without buckling her because I knew there was no way she was going to let me. She was trying to get out as it was and we live less than a mile from my SIL's house. I started driving while she's screaming in the back seat. I turned around to see the car door open ... WHILE I WAS DRIVING!!! I was so terrified she was going to fall out of the car that I started screaming. I slowly came to a stop and when I put the car in park, she got out and started runing down the street. MY FOUR YEAR OLD CHILD!!!!

Can you believe it? I was so completely shocked and scared I grabbed her, put her back in the car and this time, locked the doors. I have never yelled like that in my life, but I screamed at her never to do that again. I think she could tell from the fear in my voice that she did something very bad. She kept apologizing (in between sobs and screaming, of course).

When we got home I marched her in her room and left her there. I was so furious I couldn't think of anything else to do. My husband and I talked to her later and told her we were very angry and that she's not allowed to play with her princesses for the rest of the week. I tried to convey to her just how dangerous that was. She could have fallen out of the car and gotten seriously hurt. I gave her dinner, a bath and then she went right back in her room. She asked me for dessert and even television before bed and I said no. We barely spoke to each other. My husband told her to come give me a hug and I said no. I told her I was too angry and upset.

Today she's been very quiet. She asked me once if she could play with her princesses and when I said no, she cried. She keeps asking if she's being a good girl today and if I'm going to tell daddy that she was good. I feel so terrible but she needs to understand that I will not tolerate being talked back to. She needs to respect me and everyone else she talks to. God, but she's only 4!! Ugh, it's just so hard to teach these lessons. I am so not cut out for this!!

What a Weekend!

I don't have time to write much now, but I thought I'd leave you with a few pictures from our holiday weekend.

Something Old

The theme at Stacy's blog this week was aged. Coincidentally, that is the name of my very favorite preset on Adobe Lightroom. I love the look it gives my pictures, letting just a little hint of color come through.




Not exactly taking a picture with something old, but it's all I got!!

What To Do?

It's 10:30 at night. I really should be in bed. My girls wake up early. I'm talking E.A.R.L.Y! Plus, my tummy hurts.

I just can't make myself get up and walk to the bedroom. I'm bored. I'm confused. I'm feeling out of sorts. We got some bad news this weekend. Hubby and I started looking at houses, just to see what's out there. We talked to a mortgage rep and were told that we can't afford a house more than $250,000. Now I don't know what house prices are like in your area, but you can't get anything for that around here. I'm not exaggerating either. We did a search for a nearby town that we were hoping to move to and only 4 listings came up. FOUR! And out of those 4, only one was livable. ONE!

I'm so frustrated. I don't know what to do. Actually, that's not the truth. I do know what to do. I have to get a full time job. I've been wrestling with this issue for a while now. For as long as we've had children because I lost my job way back when I was pregnant with Julianna. I've had part time jobs since then, but nothing that brought in any real money.

Now it seems like my time has run out. My time with my kids. I have to find a babysitter. I have to get a job. Or at least make more money.

I do have a business opportunity that has come my way that I really, really hope will work out. I'm not going to say anything yet, but it does have something to do with photography. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, can somebody please tell me what to do???

Learning Something New

Little J is learning how to use a spoon. It's really funny to watch. She goes back and forth between trying to scoop up her food and just using her hands to shove it in her mouth. It's like she gives up and says, "ah, it's so much easier to eat with my hands!"

On The Farm

I took the girls to a farm today. It's a small place, with a few animals, and lots of fresh food. We've been there a bunch of times and the weather was beautiful today so I packed some snacks and headed over.

The place is called Sun High Orchards and they've got ducks, bunnies, sheep, goats, and, believe it or not, a few llamas. Julianna loves feeding the animals. You can go into the little store and buy some fresh veggies to feed them. Today she was content to just give the bunnies some grass to nibble on.

Little J was so cute. She kept calling all the animals "Coco" ~ that's our dog's name! At one point we went into the store and bought an apple for the girls to share. We plopped ourselves under a shady tree and they munched while I took some pictures.

How cute are they?

Jaime loved trying to feed the animals.

They've got some cool farm equipment and when I saw this tractor I made them both sit inside the big wheel.


So cute!

During the fall, we come here to pick pumpkins and Julianna's preschool class came here on a field trip one day. I love finding little places like this that no one knows about. We spent almost 2 hours just walking around.

Speed Racer

Julianna has just rediscovered her love of power wheels.

BSM: Beautiful Girl

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day. Mine was pretty lonely. I worked from 11 until 4 so most of my day was spent away from my children.

On the drive to work I did have time to reflect a little on my journey into motherhood. It's been a rocky road, both painful and wonderful at the same time. I've struggled with guilt and depression. I've felt inadequate and frustrated. I've felt lonely and confused.

But I've also felt loved. Unconditionally loved. My children are my world. Today I looked at Julianna and just stared into her eyes. I was searching for the words to tell her just how much I love her and I couldn't do it. Words simply can't convey how I feel about my girls. My heart aches for them. In a good way. In a very good way. I want to hold them forever.

I didn't get to take any pictures this weekend because I was working. I'm actually pretty bummed about it because I wanted to get one of me and my girls for Mother's Day, but no such luck. Instead, my best shot is of my 4 year-old. Julianna is getting ready to celebrate a big birthday soon. Next month she will turn 5. I can't believe how quickly time has passed. My baby is no longer a baby. She'll be heading to Kindergarten in the fall. Ahhh!

Happy Mother's Day!

How sad is it that I don't have a picture of all three of us together? That's my mission this Mother's Day, to snap some shots of me and my girls. Hope you have a wonderful day and that you're spending it with the ones you love!!

Silver Lining Part 2

Another really great thing about living with my in-laws has been something totally unexpected. I was so nervous about the girls sharing a room that I never imagined I would be woken up by the sound of laughter. Every morning Big J climbs into Little J's crib and they make each other crack up. It's been the best part of my day for the last two weeks.

It's Only Tuesday?

I can't beliNeve it already feels like the week is dragging. And it's going to be a busy one. I'm babysitting my niece today from 10 a.m. until 2 p.m. Big J is so excited. Her cousin is her favorite person. You'd never know it by the way they fight, but they love each other so much. It'll be nice for J to have someone to play with. Hopefully they'll take it easy on each other.

My mom is coming over for dinner tonight. I haven't seen her in a while and now I'm not going to see her on Mother's Day. I know she misses the girls so I'm glad she's coming. There's a carnival in town that starts tonight too.

Big J has another playdate tomorrow. One of the moms from her school offered to pick her up from school and bring her back to her house for a little while. It's really nice because then I don't have to wake the baby from her nap to pick J up from school. The drive back and forth is really killing me. I swear I spend like $100 a week on gas. It's so ridiculous. Thankfully there's only a month left of school.

I just booked J's birthday party yesterday. She wanted it at a gymnastics place around here. We went to a party there and she had so much fun she wanted hers there too! This is the first time I'll be doing a party for her friends. Actually this is the first year she's been to any parties from her friends at school too. Maybe because they're all going to Kindergarten next year.

Oh man, I feel like I'm rambling. Ever since we've moved I have no time to do anything and that includes sitting down to write a post for this blog. I made a Facebook page for my photography. Go become a fan!!I'm really not sure what to do next. I guess I should go to the county and register the name. Oh and actual clients would be nice. Ha! Instead of photographing my own children. Pactice makes perfect though, right? I want to buy a new lens too. A zoom.

Okay my children are calling me. Enough rambling!

Weekend Update

This weekend went by way too fast. I guess that's the downside of working Saturday and Sunday.

My sister came out for a visit yesterday with her husband. The girls were so happy to see her. We hung out in the backyard for a little while. Big J showed he aunt and uncle her Scooby Doo fishing pole. Then, we went to lunch and took a trip to the mall. I had to stop in the studio to do some paperwork. Oh, guess what? I have to work on Mother's Day! Can you believe that? We have very few employees and my manager and assistant manager are both out of town. It just sucks because I am the only mom at my job. I'm sure it'll be dead so hopefully I can leave early.

At the mall, I bought Big J a pretty princess nightgown with matching slippers. She loved it so much she wore it the rest of the day and then to bed last night. She cracks me up when she's in princess mode. Oh the drama!!

Here are a few pictures from my weekend.


Here's everyone by the lake.


My little rock star, still not steady on her feet.


Big J and her uncle trying to catch some fish.


Little J and aunt Mimi.


Big J in her fabulous new nightgown.


The slippers to match.


And my best shot for today. My two little angels!!

Happy Friday!

Th Silver Lining

I know I've been complaining a lot here, but I really am trying to see the positive side of living at my in-laws. Here's one: they've got a great backyard with a lake.