What Kind of Mom are You?

I am a magazine junkie. No, seriously! I lie to my husband about how many I buy, I skim money from the checking account to buy more, and I hide them all in a cabinet in my living room. Anyway, I read a great article in this month's Parenting by author Rosalind Wiseman. It's all about mom cliques. Where do you fit in?

Queen Bee Moms
They appear to have perfect lives, they're very charming and really, really like being in charge. She organizes her kid's social activities so there is no free time. If other parents don't like her it's because, "they're jealous." She's good at telling other people's secrets. When she or her child includes you or your child, you feel special. She won't apologize for her child's behavior.

Sidekick Moms
These moms define themselves in relation to a more powerful peer. They are second in command behind the Queen Bee. She organizes her child's activities according to the Queen Bee's schedule. She forces her child to be friends with the Queen Bee's kid. Won't apologize for her child's behavior unless they are considered to have higher social status. Focused on getting her child in the 'right' schools and joins in when other moms gossip.

Starbucks & Sympathy Moms
Their strength is at figuring out where other mothers feel vulnerable, gathering that information, and then spreading it around when it's most advantageous to them. They are happy to have their power based solely on their ability to wield power behind the scenes.

Torn Wannabes and Desperate Wannabes
Wannabe moms are always looking for opportunities to raise their stock in the social marketplace - which often means selling someone else short. There are two types - those who know better but can't help themselves (Torn) and those who don't know better and act like they're 12 (Desperate). Torn Wannabes are unpredictable and frustrating. She's the one who supports you during conflict but bolts at the moment of confrontation. She never tells you what she's thinking. She's great at rationalizing her behavior. The Desperate Wannabe is easier to dislike. She doesn't realize when her actions don't match her values. She name drops - a lot. She can also be really nasty if pushed.

Steamrolled Moms
They sacrifice their needs and judgments to avoid conflict. She's the one who's always saying, "Whatever you want is fine." She's unlikely to stand up for what she wants because she's afraid to offend. She's been so beaten by relationships in the past she's terrified to speak out. When she does, she's likely to salt her words with apologies. When she hears gossip she'll keep silent and then rehearse all the things she wished she'd said.

Floater Moms
These moms can move easily from one group to another without resentment. They are genuinely liked for who they are. She dresses appropriately and doesn't stand out. Her house isn't over the top, her car isn't fancy. They don't waste time on schoolgirl drama.

Reformed Moms
Able to analyze their behavior and make improvements. They often have the best sense of humor. Reformed Queen Bees have kept all of their positive qualities - fun to be around, charismatic, intelligent, and capable - and lost most of the negative attributes that made everyone miserable. Reformed moms aren't just Queen Bees, there are others walking around who are genuinely amazing women you'd want as friends. Sometimes they revert to old behavior, but when called on it, can admit it, apologize and move on.

Invisible Moms
Well-meaning parents who attend school functions, but never ever say a word. They have a few close relationships with other Invisible Moms.

Outcast Moms
These moms are so out of it. They don't live in the 'right' neighborhoods' or go to the 'right' church.' A woman who goes through divorce can easily find herself an Outcast. They might be gay parents or people of a minority religion. But they can also be conservative parents who send their kids to a more liberal school because of their academic excellence. Outcast Moms are vulnerable to dismissal or attack even if they don't call attention to themselves. However, they do enjoy a sense of freedom because speaking out doesn't bother them. What do they have to lose?


So where do you think you fit in? I would like to believe I am a Floater Mom; liked by everyone. In reality, I'm probably more like a Steamrolled Mom.

If you're interested in the full article, pick up the April 2006 issue of Parenting.

Is One Really the Loneliest Number?

I am so confused. My husband and I keep talking about when to start trying for another child, but it seems like we always have an excuse. My sister is getting married in July and I don't really want to be pregnant for that. We don't have enough money. We don't have enough room. Yada, yada, yada!

I just don't know what to do. Part of me says, screw it, none of that really matters. There's never a 'right' time to have a baby. There's always going to be an excuse for why it's better to wait. But, the longer I wait, the less and less I feel like I'm going to want one. Having a toddler is pretty cool, minus the tantrums and blatant disregard for everything I say. As she grows, so does my freedom and sense of self. Dare I say, I feel the 'old me' returning. Sounds selfish, huh?

I mean, if I really wanted another baby, would I care so much about everything else? Would I be making these excuses? Sometimes I feel like I'm giving in to peer pressure. "So when's the next one coming?" Or, "you can't have just one, who is J going to play with?" Or, "Only children are spoiled and selfish." (yes, someone actually said that to me.)

Do I really need to have another baby just so J doesn't grow up to be a spoiled brat? Can't I just raise her to be a well-adjusted, sympathetic, smart little girl?
I like our little threesome the way it is. Is that so wrong? Still, I can't help but melt every time I see a newborn smile or coo. And there are days when J is being so good, I think, "Hell yeah, I can do this." Plus, part of me wants another shot at doing things the right way. Having a child who eats Cheerios and plays in the sand.

Is it fear that's holding me captive, keeping me confused? If so, what do I do about that? Close my eyes and brave the storm? Or, listen and wait?

What made you decide to try for a second?

Are You Approachable?

For those of you curious cats who might be interested in hearing more about J's Mommy, check this out. I used to write for a teen magazine. My days were spent writing about pop stars, friendship faux pas, dating dilemmas, and beauty tips. Sounds like fun, but it was actually harder than you might think. Still, I had a blast because I will always be a teenager at heart. Anyway, I came across a quiz I wrote and thought you might like to see it. Have fun!!!

Are You Approachable?

Do people consider you warm and inviting? Or a little bit frightening? Find out if you're sending all the wrong signals.

1. Your principal calls an impromptu assembly. Students are piling in to the auditorium and seats are filling up fast. Luckily, you find two empty ones. Once seated, you …
A: look for a friend to join you.
B: wait patiently for the assembly to start.
C: throw your backpack on the other chair and tell people someone is already sitting there.

2. Your best friend is throwing a big bash for her 16th birthday. You'll probably spend most of the night …
A: glued to your best friend's side.
B: mingling with guests, making sure things go smooth.
C: in a corner, scoping the crowd.

3. You and your friends are hanging out at a movie theater when a couple of guys try to get your attention. You …
A: smile, but tell your buddies to keep moving.
B: make your way over for a little small talk.
C: roll your eyes and turn your back to them.

4. Your crush asks you to sit next to him during lunch. He's barely spoken a word to you all year and now he wants you to join him. All of a sudden, you get really nervous and …
A: start chatting up a storm.
B: sit quietly while he munches on a sandwich.
C: fold your arms and bite your lip.

5. Your friends would most likely describe you as …
A: the crazy hyper one of the group
B: the friendly one in the group with all the gossip
C: the private one in the group who can always keep a secret

6. You're at the bookstore and a really cute boy is flipping through the latest Harry Potter book. You …
A: tap him on the shoulder and say," Wait until you find out what happens at the end."
B: accidentally bump into him and tell him what a good choice he made.
C: watch and see if he buys the book.

7. In the hall at school you're usually …
A: rushing from class to class
B: chatting up your friends
C: going over notes for your next class

Clique Chick (mostly a's)
You're definitely on the social side and your body language is confident and outgoing. Making friends comes easily to you, but don't forget that running with a big crowd of friends can make you seem inaccessible to people who don't know you. Even the outgoing type can seem unapproachable sometimes, so keep an open mind about meeting new people.

Meet n' Greet Girl (mostly b's)
The new kid in school is always thrilled to spot you in a crowd. Even when you're not really paying attention to the scene around you, your easy-going image shines through. Hanging with different kinds of people sends guys and girls the message that you're totally down-to-earth and easy to talk to.

'Back Off' Babe (mostly c's)
Wake up, Wallflower! Your public's waiting. It may just be the jitters that are keeping you from putting yourself out there, but to everyone else, it seems like you've got better things on your mind. Nervous to strike up a conversation? Shake it off -- everyone has hang ups just like you. Knowing that everyone out there is a little self-conscious should make the social scene a little less scary.

If there's anything else you want to know, check out my 100 Things!

Sound Advice

The most annoying sounds a toddler can make ...

Screeching
Whining
Grinding

The most beautiful sound a toddler can make ...

Laughing
Giggling
Snorting

Makes everything else pale in comparison!


Does your little one have any quirks that annoy you ... oops, I mean make you laugh?

Living in La La Land

I’d like to thank whoever sprinkled happy dust in my daughter’s oatmeal. She’s been so good for the last few days and I find myself hoping this phase is one that sticks around.

See, I’m not stupid. I said ‘phase’ because I know her days are numbered. Still, I’m actually enjoying motherhood for the first time in a really long while. Let’s all take a minute and mark the date because I’m sure I’ll be eating my words soon enough.

Oscar Fun

Did I say fun? Well, there were a few bright spots. Here are a few of my faves ...

Ben Stiller and his green screen bit.

Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell presenting for achievement in makeup.

Jennifer Garner almost wiping out on her way to the mic. She looked gorgeous though.

Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep presenting to Robert Altman.

Um, how hot is Salma Hayek?!?!?

Oh, and is it just me or did Jennifer Lopez look REALLY tan?

I love Phillip Seymour Hoffman, but all I hear when he talks is, "fucking idiot, I'm such a fucking idiot." (Boogie Nights)

Go Reese!!!Yay!!!!!

I loved "Crash" so I'm really happy they won. If you didn't see it, run to Blockbuster!


P.S. I put a poll up about Oscar’s worst dress. Go ahead, vote!!